Disclaimer:
Pokemon is a copyright of Nintendo. Pokègirls and Pokèwomen come from the Pokewomon Forum at http://disc.server.com/Indices/169881.html.
"Wild Horses and Pokègirls" is the creation of Metroanime.
C&C, MSTs are welcome E-mail:
Tattle Tail's Challenge
Disclaimer:
Pokemon is a copyright of Nintendo. Pokègirls and Pokèwomen come from the Pokewomon Forum at http://disc.server.com/Indices/169881.html.
"Wild Horses and Pokègirls" is the creation of Metroanime.
C&C, MSTs are welcome E-mail:
On the day I was born, the nurses all gathered 'round and they gazed in wide wonder, at the joy they had found.
The head nurse spoke up, and she said 'Leave this one alone', she could tell right away, that I was bad to the bone
George Thorogood & the Destroyers - Bad to the Bone
I suck down the last of the cig, then toss the dog end into the bushes. Last time I tried to smoke in this damn place, the idiot NurseJoy used the fire extinguisher on me, I think as I adjust my leather jacket, and walk in. The Joy looks up and her nose wrinkles.
"Smoking is bad for you," she tells me.
"Yeah, so's flappin' your yap," I warn her, "I may just give ya somethin' better to do with that pretty mouth."
Too bad such a looker is such a psycho.
"Or how about a quick kiss and Tame?" I offer.
She just sighs, setting off all sort of interesting wiggles.
Good she's learned not to laugh, I think, I cut some silly bitch who laughed at me.
"Why not save it for your Pokègirl?" she asks.
I frown. Her and the local brainpan kept me coolin' my heels for two days, so all the losers could have a head start.
"You and prof doofus still think I'm gonna beat up the others and take their girls?"
The Joy tries to look innocently confused. "I thought you wanted Alexis to be your Pokègirl? She was your friend."
Yeah, when she was a scrawny nothing I couldn't get rid of her. When she started to fill out and get interestin', she became a cheerleader and got new friends. 'I've outgrown you', she told me. Yeah, I'd tap her, shove her face in the dirt and make her beg while I shove it up her ass.
"Yeah, I still think you did it to give the other dweebs a chance. So I wouldn't clean out all the best girls, and then make them come home cryin'."
"You boasted that often enough we didn't have to guess," the Joy replies.
"Yeah, yeah, fine, where's the prof? And where's the girl? I got the 'dex and the rest of my crap. So as soon as I get her, I can blow this flea speck and fuck all to you too."
She smiles. "I'm sure you don't mean it."
"Joy-toy, this place is nothin', has been nothin' since before the War, it'll be nothin' 'til Typhonna stomps it flat. Unless it's so damn boring that it puts the fucker to sleep again. So yeah, I'm outta here and good riddance to you losers."
The prof arrives, in his lab coat. As if he's fooling anyone. "Well Brian, big day huh? Now you are a man, eh?"
"When's yours?" I ask
Typical prof, too stupid to know he's being insulted, I realize as he stares at me.
"Look, I passed the tests, I jumped through all the hoops, I talked to that simpering bitch in the ribbons about my 'unresolved anger', but I passed. I want what's mine, by your own rules."
"You don't care about rules when they apply to you," the prof says.
"Rules are for suckers," I tell them, "But you two have to play by them."
"Right you are, everything above board and legal," the prof says and grins as if he's clever. He tosses me a belt with six Pokèballs and a 'dex.
Jerk thinks I'm gonna act like a doofus and guess, or do a heavy scan on each individual ball, I think as I do a cursory scan which tells me which ball has the girl in it.
I put the belt around my waist, and pull the loaded ball from the belt. "At least the belt's black," I mutter. Then I release the girl.
Well, she's filled out nice, I think as she forms out of red light, Almost can't wait to prove to her I'm her Master.
"Oh crap!" I say.
She grabs her big floppy ears, and squeals, "Are you my new Master!? Squee!"
"Bye," the NurseJoy says, "I'm sure yo can't wait to leave on your journey."
You rotten bitch, you sneaky bastard, I'll get you for this, I'll get both of you! I vow.
"Can Master Tame me now?" she asks in her mindless singsong.
"No, we're leavin'! And don't stand sideways, or the wind will whistle through your empty head," I tell her as I walk out.
She turns her head around. "Master is being silly," she tells me as she follows.
We're almost a half-mile out of town before I decide she can speak. "So what attacks do you know?" I ask, "You can speak to answer, but no more dumb questions."
Those bastards wouldn't have told me, so why ask? I think, 'Learn through discovery' was what the prof always said, anytime anyone asked him a hard question, I remember.
"Attacks?" ditz-and-a-half asks.
At least she looks good naked, I think, Or she's not smart enough to know she's naked.
"Yeah." I point to a tree. "Tackle!"
"Not me you stupid fuzzbutt!"
"You're the only one here!" the moron complains.
"We're supposed to be practicing your attacks," I tell her, patiently, "Or how can capture other girls."
And I can have some decent girls when I dump you on some sucker, I don't say aloud, The last time someone knocked me down that easily, I was six years old.
"How about a Taming for your loyal Pokègirl?" she asks.
"It's broad daylight, and if we hurry, we can catch up to the others, and maybe get some beer, finally."
And steal their girls. They've got to have something better than a lame-ass Bunnygirl.
"Okay," she says happily, and marches down the path.
"Hey stupid, this way!" I point away from town.
"But you said . . . I'm confused."
"Return!" I hold out her ball and she vanishes. "Maybe that'll help unconfuse you. I'm gonna get you jerks, for saddling me with dummy-ears. I don't care how good she is in bed. Course, I don't know if she's any good in bed."
"And we can have puppies and kittens."
"Yeah, and skin'em to make boot liners," I tell my enthusiastic friend.
"Master's silly!" she squeals, then freezes so fast I nearly run into her. "Master! Look!"
I get ready to tell her 'the tree isn't scary', or 'that's a squirrel you eat them', or something, but she proves herself not completely stupid. "A Demon-Goddess," I breathe, terrified to make a noise.
"Master, can I have a Pokèball?" she whispers, proving she isn't completely stupid either, "I want one . . . because they're so shiny."
Just mostly stupid. I shake my head to clear it.
"That's one of the most powerful girls there is. Of course she has to have a partner, and she looks almost weak enough for a powerful Harem to take down, and you think you can just walk up, service her and catch her?" I mock.
"I'm not that stupid!" she protests, despite all evident to the contrary.
I think I see a way out of this, I think, I could probably make it back to town, alone.
"Too bad, that's one of the girls you can take down without a really powerful Harem," I tell her, "If she isn't Feral, and lost her partner, she'll be in need of another, especially if she's low on energy." I hand her a Pokèball, "And you want to hide in your Pokèball like a bad Pokègirl?"
"Master's right."
"Master always is."
"Goodie! Yay! Yay! My Tamer loves me!" she squeals at the top of her lungs, alerting the Demon-Goddess. Then fuzz-for-brains races toward the Demon-Goddess screaming, "We aren't going to hurt you! Bunny's just going to give you lots and lots of sex so you won't be lonely and weak anymore!"
Problem solved, I think, then the Demon-Goddess took off like a scalded Catgirl, and the Bunnygirl hopped after her.
"Can she be any more stupid?" I wonder as I wander over to where the Demon-Goddess was. A dead Tomboy lies there.
I guess nobody will mind if I help myself, I think as I collect all the usable gear, food and loose cash in the little encampment, I'll head back to town and tell them about the Demon-Goddess, and maybe get a decent starter as a reward. Poor girl, gave her life to save her Tamer. I tried to convince her otherwise. Yeah that'll work. They must have been traveling together. I continue searching the area, and find half of a Gunvalkyrie, the bottom half, and lots of shards of glass.
Okay, she turned the top half to glass, shattered it, and the bottom half bled to death, I realize as I look around, I don't think I want to be here when she comes back. At least I'm rid of that idiot. Maybe I can sell this junk and buy a decent Pokègirl in the next town, if they won't give me a decent starter. ------------------------------
The sun's already up when I hear noises in the camp. I stick my head out of my recently-acquired tent. Too late, I realize that may not have been the smartest choice.
"Master! You're right where I expected you to be!" a set of fuzzy tits, with little brains attached, greets me.
Five miles from where we were, and she still finds me! I think as she tackles me.
"I knew you'd wait for me!"
"So did you catch her? You caught that Demon-Goddess, and engaged her in a fight. You're mighty skills against her powers."
"No."
"Okay, you ran up to her, stuck your head between her legs and gave her a tongue lashing that had her squealing with sexual frenzy until she couldn't stand up any more."
"No. Are you making fun of me, Master?"
"Whatever gave you that idea?" I ask as seriously as I can, without laughing in her face. "What were you out catching all night, leaving your Master unprotected? And what is that stink you're wearing?"
She thinks for a moment, the sound of agonized machinery can almost be heard. Then she triumphantly holds out a stick with four small carcasses impaled on it. "Squirrels!"
You certainly are, I think as I stare at the collection of dead rodents.
"You were up all night catching just those?"
"Silly Master!" she laughs, "I caught more . . . these are Master's breakfast! Loyal Pokègirl caught them all for you." She smiles at me while I stare at her. Her ears droop a little. "Aren't you going to eat them?"
"Aren't you going to cook them?" I ask.
She laughs. "Master knows I can't cook."
"Then how, you stupid fuzzbutt, am I supposed to cook them with you sitting on me?"
"Stupid Fuzzbutt," she says so clearheadedly, her gaze so intent, that it's frightening. Then she tries to crush me.
"Master named me! Master named me! Master loves me! Master loves me!" and she continues like that.
Master gonna die of suffocation and punctured lungs! I try to gasp.
"Master deserves a Taming!" she squeals the last word.
Okay, that I can live with, I think as she gets up off of me, letting me stand while she kneels. She pulls down my pants and opens her mouth, and I remember about rabbit incisors.
"Look at the size of those!" I gasp as I see how big and sharp her front teeth are.
She looks down. "Oh! That's a good idea!" She presses her tits together around my dick and rubs them up and down.
This is I could get used to, I think as soft, warm fur grips me tight and slides over me, Yeah, this is great!
Then, even though she's kneeling, her feet start tapping. "Oh! Oh! No! Let me finish! No! NO!" she complains as her whole body starts shaking as her feet sound like a speedfusion drummer on Kirstall, "Let Master finish!"
It's like having my dick in a bowl of warm Jell-O, glued to a jackhammer! I realize, It's gone from a sexy wobble to 'Is she gonna tear it off, when she comes?'
"Calm down! Calm down you stupid fuzzbutt!" I yell at her.
"Oh! OH! Here it comes, the big white wall!" she squeals as she kept rubbing up and down.
Not from me it isn't! I think as I try to get my dick loose as she keeps squeezing.
"Oo," she says as her legs quit moving and her expression gets noticeably more clueless than usual. Then she releases the pressure and tumbles over backward.
"THAT'S IT!?" I scream at her, "I have to finish?" I quickly jerk myself off, and spray all over her. "Stupid rabbit," I mutter as I begin packing my stuff, "I think . . . "
I won't say it aloud, I remind myself, but keep thinking it, Serves you right, you worthless bag of fuzz.
"Master?" she asks as we walk.
"No, we aren't there yet. I don't know why anything is the color it is," I say as clearly as I can, "You have your own canteen to drink from. I don't know why anything is called what it is. You're naked so your clothes don't make you look fat," I add more loudly, "I am not cranky. I don't know what any Pokègirl tastes like. It's always been orange, and lumpy, and heavy," I add loud enough that maybe she'll understand me this time, "I don't know who Knee-Cheese is, and Superman is a comic-book character. Because bunnies don't have feathers, let alone a beak, and if you did you'd be a bird-type. Who my family is, is none of your business, and I wish I don't know anyone of them," I tell her at the top of my lungs, "I don't think the Ferals up north have eaten Santa Claus. I don't know the thermal properties of Rhenium. I don't know why stairs are a machine! I don't care if you feet hurt or your nose itches!" I scream at her as reasonably as I can.
"Never mind," she tells me happily, and hugs me, "You scared them off. I have such a clever Master!"
"Yeah, right," I grumble, then, "Scared off who?"
"The two with the black T-shirts with the 'R' on them."
"Team Rocket?" I look around, for an instant, I worry.
Must have seen what I'm stuck with, and they were afraid I'd beat them up and make them steal her, I think and snicker, then I focus on the Pokèball fuzz-for-brains has in front of my face.
"Master? Can I have another?" she asks, "Just one looks funny."
I take off the belt and hand it to her. Not like I'm gonna catch any others, until I get rid of her, I think as I try to hand it to her, and have to loop it over her arm.
She stares at me with wide-eyes, looking completely brain-dead. "Me," she finally manages, "Alpha?" Then she gets a worried look. "I'm in charge of your Harem?!" she gasps.
"Yeah sure, why not."
She tries to break all my ribs again. "Master loves me! Master trusts me! Stupid Fuzzbutt's gonna be the bestest Alpha EVER!"
It would be better if she hadn't been screaming it in my ear. "Yeah, we all dream about something."
If I could tie her down, all that enthusiasm might be fun. Naw. Too much like work, get a decent girl and start from there.
"Well, well, well, my luck is changing." I spot a familiar figure. "Hey, Melon Drop, how about a friendly match?"
Melvin turns around, and his Titmouse takes up a position alongside him. "Easy Cheecheecheep," he tells her, scratching behind her ears. She gets a dreamy expression as she leans into the scratching.
Yeah, a little short, no better in combat, but better in bed. Until I sell both of them and get a better starter.
"Cheecheecheep?" I ask, "Where'd you come up with a dopey name like that?"
"That's what she says when she has a powerful orgasm . . . but you wouldn't know about that."
I advance to make Melon Drop into paste, when the Titmouse bares her teeth and hisses at me.
"Hey, fuzzbutt, you think you can clear this out of my way. I have some teeth I have to remove."
The Bunnygirl walks towards Melon Drop and the Titmouse.
"Salsa!" Melon Drop yells. A fireball from the Titmouse's mouth engulfs the Bunnygirl.
"Ouchie," she replies as smoky swirls off her from a dozen places, before runs around screaming, "My ears are on fire! My ears are on fire!"
"Return!" I shout and pull her into her Pokèball.
I'm glad I kept that one, I think, then stare at Melon Drop.
"How'd you get a Titmouse that breathes fire?!"
Melon Drop smirks at me, formerly an invitation to pain. "I helped the Prof and the Nurse all summer. So I had her on order before I ever took the test. And my name is Melvin, Brainless." He ignores my warning growl.
I can't ignore the Titmouse's.
"I'm not a complete asswipe," Melon Drop says.
"Watch your back, bad things happen to people out here," I tell him. I don't like the look on his face.
"Yeah, they do," he replies.
I stagger into the Pokècenter. "My friend dropped off my stuff," I say to the NurseJoy, or at least her hat, since she's leaning down behind the counter.
"Oh you poor boy!" the Pokèwoman says as she stands up, letting me see her bald spot and her armpit hair, and putting the stogie back in her mouth.
Grond Almighty! The horror causes me to step back. She looks like uncle Lou, except he doesn't have tits, or a moustache.
"You're so brave!" she tells me as she reaches out to catch and kiss me, "You should be rewarded."
I instantly put that stupid rabbit's Pokèball in her hands. "Great. My girl needs a Healing cycle and a Taming Cycle, make it a Level 2, she deserves it. I'll grab my stuff and pick her up later."
I'm out on the street and temporarily safe a moment later. I thought it was a rule, all Pokègirls were supposed to be good-looking, and weigh less than 300 pounds, even if they are seven feet tall. I shudder at the memory of what I just saw stuffed into a NurseJoy outfit, as I head towards the hotel, She could kill a Widow with her looks, and her breath! No way am I staying there, without a powerful Harem, or a lot of cement!
The hotel has a small tavern inside, and inside it is one of the few of my fellow Tamers who isn't a complete dope. "Cal! What are you doing here?"
"Bein' useful," he replies as he shows me to a table, "Working for my room. You could get the same deal. Three hots and a cot, for six hours waiting and bussing tables, or scrubbing pots and pans."
"They got something who needs beating up instead?" I ask, "What I'd really like is a beer."
He chuckles. "Then you should have headed south, not north," he tells me, "This county is dry, no booze what-so-ever."
"So I should have turned around and headed back to town and gone through?" I ask with an unpleasant realization of who kept trying to do that.
He nods. "Oh, look out for Melvin. The fat, little slug really changed since he got his girl," Cal warns, "I guess he decided to take it out on everybody, all the bullying he got from the world."
"Do tell?" I ask.
"I heard from the Prof that you were 'going to get yours'. What did they do?"
"You remember Alexis?" I ask as I scan the menu.
"Yeaaaah," he says, practically drooling, "Even if she just kept her figure, she'd be fine, and if she turned out like her mom? Her mom's an Oni! She's a little . . . thicker around the middle, but she's also put on weight in all the right places. So she's a little softer, and bouncier . . . "
"You want her?" I ask, "She's filled out really nice." I enjoy watching him drool, while he's considering what he's got to trade. "She's a Bunnygirl." The shock is fun to watch. I know I won't con him into taking her. "You don't want her," I accept.
"Unless you've got a stone or the right way to Evolve her, no thanks," he says as he takes my order and heads off.
I wait until the Nurse Joy goes out, before I return to the Pokècenter. "Hello?" I say as I enter.
The loli behind the counter looks up at me. The bells and bows make noise as she puts her hands under her chin. "You must miss your Pokègirl terribly!" she squeals.
Because I don't have a better gun sight, I think, How soon is that NurseJoy coming back?
"Yes, I'd like her back, if she's done," I say.
"Isn't there something . . . else . . . you'd like to do?" she suggests as she leans over, displaying her total lack of cleavage, "Just to get . . . all warmed up."
"Sorry, have to be on the road."
And I'm no pedo either, I think as I hurriedly fill out the claim forms, Either huge and ancient, or tiny and underage, don't they have anything in between?
I get the ball back and get my ass out of there as quickly as possible. I release her as soon as we're out of sight of the center.
"I'm on fire! I - " She winds up flat on her face, after I trip her, "Oh, I'm not." Then she greets me with another crushing hug. "The Taming Cycle was wonderful!"
"Then why did you think you were still on fire?" I ask.
She steps back and actually thinks about that, for far too long. She pulls her ears and laughs. "I forgot."
I sigh, and hand the belt back to her. "Don't hug me."
She looks confused, more than usual. "Oh, okay."
I walk through the town, with her looking at everything. "You grew up in a town, what's so fascinating about this one?"
"They were following us, again," she says, as she points at the roof on a nearby building.
I stare at the roof, and we watch, for ten minutes. "That's butterflies," I finally tell her, "They aren't threatening. Usually."
We start walking, and she keeps looking around again. I'm thinking about the `expedition` to the Silver Islands and the Edo League that Cal is planning to be part of. Naw, he said 'Working Passage' and I'm no Watcher/Researcher-wannabe, I think, So it would be cook or work the rigging. No thanks, too much like regular work.
"They're butterflies," I remind fuzz-for-brains, "They can't hurt you."
"But they aren't," she tells me. I look where she's pointing. "Those are horseflies," she says triumphantly, "Aren't they pretty?"
I start walking again. "It'd be worth it if this burg had beer."
"No beer in the north, until you reach the coast or the Cascade Islands," she tells me, and giggles, "Silly Master."
That's IT! I have my knife out and I stab at her. She dances out of the way, still giggling. I slash and stab at her, and she keeps out of reach. I kick at her and she jumps out of the way, her bunny legs giving her the advantage.
"Fight dammit!"
She laughs. "Silly Master, fighting's for rabbits. Fucking too," she says as she effortlessly gets out of the way of every slash, every thrust, every kick, "If I fight Master, I'll get a Taming?"
"Why not?" I ask.
She knocks my knife hand aside and reaches over and grabs my crotch and squeezes. I barely notice her taking the knife from my hand, folding it and sticking it back in my pocket. The ball of agony between my legs has my full attention. I barely notice hitting the ground, when she lets go.
"Did Bunnygirl win?" she cheerfully asks, "Oh, you can't Tame me like that, can you? Stupid Fuzzbutt was stupid. But I did win, didn't I?"
I can't even whimper in response.
"But I did good Master, I beat you, that's what you wanted, right, I did what you wanted?" she managed to ask without taking a breath.
I decide not to reply. Then I spot a blessing in disguise. This is perfect, I think as I head towards the small group. The bait wins the stake and shows it to the other shill, who's looking out for the cops.
"How much is a Bunnygirl worth?" I ask the dealer, as I put down 500 creds as well.
"I'll give you 3000 for her," he says as he puts the bills on the table, "You know how to play?"
"You put the queen with the two deuces and I have to pick where the queen goes," I tell him and grin.
"Ah, Master?" the Bunnygirl tries to get my attention.
"Shut up," I tell her, "Do we have a bet?"
"Master?" she says more urgently.
"Not - now," I tell her more firmly.
So, you know she's trying to warn me that you're going to cheat me, but five buck to get rid of her, is worth it, I think.
"Watch the lady, here she goes and the hand is quicker than the eye."
"Master, Master, Master, Master," she says in one ear and then the other as she moves behind me, one shoulder to the other.
"Do you need to go to the bathroom?" I ask sarcastically. Staring at the cards.
The cards stop moving. I reach out to touch one, but the idiot grabs my arm.
"Not that one, Master. The one at the end," she tells me as she stands beside me, slightly bouncing from her nervousness.
"You sure?" I ask, and she nods earnestly, "Okay."
She flips over the other two cards and grabs the stakes. "Yay! Yay! Yay! Master is so smart!" she shouts as she clutches the money to her breasts and bounces up and down, and stops, "Oh, that's right. There's two Jennies heading this way."
The three crooks who'd been getting their Pokèballs ready, suddenly decide to go elsewhere, rapidly. A moment later the Jennies arrive, along with an Amachamp in a police uniform.
"Master's so smart. We tricked those crooks and got money!" she says happily, attracting a good deal of interest from the Jennies, "And he knew I'd play my part!"
"What part was that?" one of the Jennies asks, oh so innocently.
"He used to cheat kids out of their lunch money that way. Melvin did that trick and he beat him up," the idiot tells them happily, "And he thought I wouldn't remember, because all Bunnygirls are stupid!" She laughs as she hugs me, and the law enforcement types are deciding whether to lock me up, or just toss me out of town.
Can things get any worse? I want to know.
"Now we have everything we need," Stupid Fuzzbutt says happily as w walk down the boring road, broken only by the occasions cluster of trees.
Everything except what I really need, I think, as I watch the shapely ass and big, firm tits which are of no real use to me, As if this idiot could actually manage to Tame something, I think, I could turn around, go the other way, go back through town at night, in a hurry, and head south. Try my luck there. Naw! I've never backed down from a fight before. Except against Marty Jenkins, and he caught me anyway. Pussy, can't believe I was ever scared of him, I remember. I sigh and continue walking. Sex, beating up dweebs and taking their girls, sounds easy. Why isn't it?
"MASTER!" she shouts right in my ear.
"What?!"
"Have you been listening?"
Fnord I hope not, I don't tell her while I stare at her.
"Why? Did you say anything important?" I ask, then regret it.
"I think so. I say a lot of important stuff. There - "
I tune out the constant drone again, and keep walking.
"MASTER!" she shouts again, and tackles me. A Coyotits tears past, in hot pursuit of a Chocoboob.
I look at the dust cloud the pair are leaving. "I don't want to know!" I mutter.
"That's what was important. They've been chasing up and down the road behind us, getting closer. They might have run you over."
"So how did holding me down in the middle of the road prevent that?" I ask as I try to get up, only to be tackled again. "What?"
"Doesn't that deserve a Taming?" she asks happily.
"Are you gonna try becoming a Moonbunny the hard way again?" I ask angrily.
"It's not my fault," she whines as I get loose, "Maybe if we had some restraints," she coos and snuggles against me, "I could show my Tamer what I -" And she tackles me a third time, but this time she isn't looking at me.
I crane my neck to look at what she's staring at. My luck can't get any worse, I think as I look at the Malakim or Seraph, sitting on a rock alone, fanning herself with her wings, pretty as a picture. If I had a - I catch the idiot before she can charge over.
"Look," I hiss, "If that's a Seraph, she isn't dangerous if you aren't attacking her, and they do get all ditzy when someone talks about Taming to one. But she'll just fly away if you charge over there."
If she's a Malakim, she'll chop you to bits, I don't add, Maybe my luck is changing.
"You'd have to sneak up on that one and use sex attacks, but never hurt her. Don't even seem like you're hurting her."
She nods, hands me the Pokèball belt, except for two balls, and crawls into the wall weeds.
She's actually pretty stealthy, I think disgustedly, Except for the two, giant, white floppy ears poking out of the grass like a pair of periscopes. Then I shake my head to clear it of any hope this will work. I'd better resign myself to a breakfast of squirrels. Ground squirrels this time.
As the two ears approach one of the rare trees, I think, I almost expect one ear to go around each side of the tree, or her to run straight into it and nearly knock the thing down.
She doesn't, slipping around one side of the tree, and approaching the winged girl from directly behind. How can that girl be completely unaware?! I wonder, but can't keep from watching, This is going to be a disaster, no matter how it turns out.
Showing all the subtlety I'd come to expect, she explodes out of the tall grass and gets her arms around the Seraph's waist. As the Seraph stands, she rubs one furry foot between the Seraph's legs with a war cry of, "Surprise bun sex!"
The Seraph takes off like a Skarmory out of a skillet. I watch in horrified fascination as the pair climb into the air. The happy cries of 'Fuzzy rug burn!' 'You're cumming! Cumming with me!' 'Taming!' 'Wild fucking!' 'Run my tongue all over your . . . !' fade as they gain altitude and distance. I stand there blinking in stunned amazement.
"That has got to be the stupidest trick I've ever seen in my entire life," I finally say as I'm left with one decision.
Do I set up camp here, or continue to the next town . . . where she'll probably be waiting for me, I think as I start walking to the next town, She'll either die from the fall, or just walk into camp, with no idea of what happened and not a care in the world. Maybe I can get a decent girl before she shows up.
It's midday, when the lowing of a distressed Pokègirl catches my attention. A short search and a scan with my 'dex, and I've got the answer. Milktit, and she's got her head wedged in a natural deadfall. I creep through the grass to the copse of trees where the Milktit has her head wedged between two trunks. Perfect. They aren't much use in a fight, but I can think of one use for her . . . okay two, but food I've got.
Her bawling gets louder, as she tries to get loose, I think as I creep into 'attack' range, All she's doing is wedging herself, and the trunks and branches, together more tightly. Oh, that's it, that branch full of fruit she's trying to get to. Even the dumb bunny would have walked around, unless all the approaches are trapped. I put that thought aside as I watch her butt wiggle. Oh yeah, this is going to feel good!
It's the incredible itchiness that wakes me up first.
"Yay! Yay! Yay! Master's awake again!" comes the whisper from the idiot.
That's more enthusiasm that I can stand right now, I think as I clench my eyes shut, What did I do to deserve this? And who wired my jaw shut?
"Poor, brave Master, trying to Tame that Minotaura without his loyal Alpha."
I feel myself shift, but can't feel anything else, except itching, everywhere!
"They say the bodycast will come off tomorrow," she continues cheerfully, and leans over to rub her cheek on mine, so I can confirm it's really her.
If I could get loose, just for a second, while she's not expecting it, I think, I could . . . probably convince her I wanted to give her a rough Taming, even if I did manage to get my hands around her throat and squeeze, or beat her head on the ground. I force myself to quit thinking about it. One simple killing, and all my troubles would be over.
"They say it's a miracle you survived! But Stupid Fuzzbutt knows her Master's love for her made him hold on to life until she could save him."
I guess she really is a Farfuck'd, I never wanted to die so much in my life, I think as I open my eyes, and see a half-dozen adoring NurseJoys and a really hot lady doctor all gazing at me. At least I'll die happy with all them around. Unfortunately, it's under a layer of plaster and I . . .
Wait a sec! How am I supposed to pee? Then I felt it. NO! They didn't stick a tube in that . . . NO! They did, and another one up there!
"MMMRRRRGH!"
"Master's so happy, he's crying!"
Almost midnight, just me and my mittens and booties, I think, remembering the cast finally coming off, So I started scratching a little. I couldn't help myself! They must have put itching powder in that plaster, I swear! Of course that stupid rabbit convinced them to put me in restraints. Of course that NurseJoy smearing that paste all over me, that made the itching go away, felt real nice. Until it made me go completely numb. She could have gotten naked and given me a good titfuck, and all I would have been able to do was watch. I wouldn't have felt anything. I make a fist inside the mitten. And me naked and spread-eagle, and none of them visit. I sigh. What kind of hospital is this?
The gag in my mouth, followed by the bag over my head tell me, I might be in trouble. Or not, most NurseJoys are perverted, they might not want to know they've got a gang-bang with toys all ready. Bring it on girls, I won't freak out.
'Surprise Bun sex,' whispered in my ear, tells me, I'm in trouble. Crazy rabbit.
The bed shifts, and I feel leather against my thighs. Leather? Oh, restraints, this is a hospital. So finally, I'm gonna get some. Tight and wet, this is great!
I can't move too well, so she rides up and down, making all kinds of cute noises. Oh, she's embarrassed by her pussy farts is she? I note, I'll have to remember that. I'll let her go first, I think as I concentrate on not blowing my load into her. Pretty plain vanilla sex, but walking out of a desert, plain vanilla is all right. Her pussy spasms and tightens, then I blow my load. Kinda nice, all wet and tight and slippery, I think as I lay there, But she needs work. Maybe if . . . what am I thinking? Buy restraints for her? When I could buy a decent girl instead? And dump her on some shmuck.
Someone with a warm washcloth starts doing some really interesting things to my dick, then furry hands finish bringing me to attention.
"Like I promised, Master's young and full of life," Fuzzbutt says.
Okay, she must be talking to that hot lady doctor. This is going to be worth it!
Ride is the only word for what happens next. Lady doctor is a freak off her leash! I happily realize, then she touches near the root of my dick. I scream in agony through the gag and Fuzzbutt's hands covering my mouth as 'flaming steel hard-on' takes on a whole new meaning. The pain subsides in a few moments, and for the next half-an-hour I stay rock hard, but I can't shoot, no matter how bad I need to. The doc rides my ramrod like there's no tomorrow. I hear her muffled cries and feel her slow or stop as she cums. Once Fuzzbutt whispers harshly, "Ouchie! No biting, no biting!"
So that's why the doc's quiet, and not waking the whole wide world, I realize, She's got some furry help.
After seven or so, I lost count, she finally stops. As she sits across my hips, I think, Another hand job? No . . . she's doing that with the muscles of her pussy! Oh magic muff, do your stuff! Oh crap, she undid what she did, I gotta cum! It's gonna be a gusher! I'm gonna fire so hard, I'll shoot her off me like a rocket! Or blow spooge out her ears! I start spraying. Now I know what a flamethrower feels like!
The sunlight streaming in the window and the warm, furry body snuggled against me is the next thing I'm aware of. Okay, after last night, I might just keep her. As long as she keeps those restraints. I might even hang around a little while longer, and give that doc a second chance. Whoo WEE! That's the kind of sex I became a Tamer for in the first place.
"So, you're awake," the doc says tartly as she walks into view, "You're free to go. We have other people who'll need the space."
Hell, so it's prim and proper in the daylight, and at night . . .
"Don't you want to keep an eye on me another night?" I ask, grinning.
"Frankly, no." She walks out before I can demand an explanation.
"Bitch probably pissed cause I shot my load in her pussy. It's not like I had - like she gave me a choice," I grumble as I try to get loose from the furred octopus with the bunny ears. "What are all these snakes doing on the bed?" I ask quietly, "Slithering, hissing, maybe they'll want somewhere warm and moist to hide in."
I hear the idiot whisper worriedly in her sleep and she squirms.
"Then they'll crawl inside, find something they like," I say louder over her whimpering, "They'll open their jaws, wider, wider, to use their fangs, and they'll jab them in to dissolve it. The poison they keep pumping and pumping."
"SNAKE!" she screams, "Snake! Snakes inside me!" She jumps right out the third floor window. "Snake!" she screams on the way down.
"Snake! Snake!" she screams as she tears off into the woods.
I should have thought of that before, I realize.
"Snake! Snake! Snake!" the idiot screams, much to the amusement of the team Rocket dweebs, and the rather pitiful Ulupi they had released.
"Surrender your Pokègirls to us!"
Great, I think as my brave Alpha tries to climb to the highest spot she can find.
"Get off my head, you stupid fuzzbutt!"
"Snake!" comes her wailing response, "She'll get inside and bite me in my bunny place! I don't want teeth on my bunny place!"
"There's a higher point right over there!" I shout at her.
"Higher?" she asks, bending double and looking at me from between her feet.
"Much higher," I assure her.
"Yippee!" Her leap from my shoulders flattens me.
I look up and she's shrieking, "Wicked Master!"
Those thousand mile per hour feet ought to be good for something, I think as the Ulupi awaits the arrival, and gets it, feet first.
"Gatling boot to the head," I murmur as I stand up, and Stupid Fuzzbutt kicks the snakegirl unconscious by tap-dancing on her skull, with enough force to keep her airborne.
"Waaah! Snake, snake's going to hurt me!"
"Rotorooter return!" the girl Rocket calls.
"And I thought my names were lousy," I tell the Rocket-dan, then concentrate on Miss Rocket, and her curvy female team mate. "After I scare off cutey-boy." I crack my knuckles. "I'm gonna tie that long hair to a tree, then I'm gonna teach you a few tricks about Taming. Teach you how to squeal just like he does." I leer at her.
I don't know who's more horrified, cutey-boy at the prospect of actual violence, or the girl and the idea of being with a man, I think as I approach.
"You wouldn't!" she says, and the guy squeals in distress.
"You'll enjoy it," I tell her, "I'll pull down those short shorts, squeeze the tight ass of yours, and give you something long and hard that'll make you scream out your breed name." She's still recoiling in terror of having a real man make her squeal, when . . .
"Master! Master! Master!" a furry wall shouts and knocks me down, letting my quarry escape. "I won! I won! I won!"
"I notice you let the snake . . . " I tell her.
. . . and the girl . . .
" . . . get away," I point out as she tries to squeeze me to death.
"Why would I want to share a Harem with a snake when I . . . ? OH! They left their stuff!" She's away in a bound, ransacking the two packs the Rocket-dan left behind.
I can only sigh and shake my head, I admit, At least she's practical about some things.
"Master? Is it okay to steal their stuff like this?"
On the other hand . . .
"When governments demand money from bad people, they call it a 'fine', so we're doing the same, so it must be fine."
She giggles and tugs her ears. "Of course Master. I guess I was just being silly."
"Yeah, I'll overlook it, for now," I warn.
It's too bad they didn't have much, and they didn't leave any of their Pokèballs behind, I think as I go through their stuff.
"Leave the bottlecap collection behind," I tell the resident idiot.
"But, but," she says, her lip quivering, "They're all shiny."
"And Pokèballs are shinier, aren't they?" I ask.
"Uh huh," she says and nods.
"But you let those get away," I tell her sternly.
She sniffles, and throws her arms wide. "WAAHHH! I'm a bad Pokègirl and my Master hates me! WAAHH!" She charges straight at me.
I've learned, I think as I sidestep and let her run headlong into a tree.
"Ouchie."
"Why would I hug a bad Pokègirl?" I ask her as she slumps to the ground.
"WAAHHH!"
There are few things as terrifying as a Mantis, which makes the expression on this Mantis's face especially terrifying.
"You have to kill me! You have to eat me! I'll beat you up if that'll help," I scream into her face as a shake her head by her antenna as I do, "It's your job! You're supposed to kill men! I'm a man! I have all the equipment from an Adam's Apple to a dick! SO KILL ME!"
The look of absolute terror on the menace's face, should have been comical. Her scythe arms hang loose at her sides, and her wings flutter nervously.
But I'm still screaming, "Why aren't you doing your job! You don't have to eat me! Just bite off my head! Run me through! Beat me against the rock! WHAT'S MATTER?! ARE YOU DEAF?! I'm a man, you're supposed to kill 'em! What the fuck is your problem?!"
She screams in terror and tosses me away. From the ground I look at the Mantis as she runs away screaming. The other Tamers who'd responded to the 'All-Hands' call stare at me in a terror mirroring or exceeding the Mantis's.
"Yay! Yay! Yay! My Master can even scare Mantisisisis . . . is," comes from the source of my power to frighten even the most menacing creature.
The Mantis mistakenly keeps looking back to make sure I'm not pursuing, and impales herself on a tree. "You . . . can't trick . . . me," she says triumphantly as she dies, "Whatever poisons you took . . . you'll have to deal with them."
I guess I lost my cool, I think, After two days of incessant questions, I guess even death by Mantis seemed to be a good idea.
"Next time I'll calm down first," I say quietly, and note there's not one Tamer nor Pokègirl within 50 yards of me, with one obvious exception.
"Yay! My Tamer! The bravest and bestest Tamer in the whole universe!"
I look around, and see about half the combat Tamers have run for it.
"I hate my life," I mutter.
"Master! With the money for the reward, we can buy restraints," she says as she snuggles against me, "Then I could give you a proper Taming."
"Oh joy," I reply.
"Master," she says as she snuggles against me, "You're talking in your sleep, unless you want a Taming? What are you Taming while you're asleep? Who are you Taming? Your loyal, loving Alpha? Yay! My Master dreams about Taming me! Hooray!"
I open my eyes and look at her. She's frozen in mid-cheer, and sniffing furiously, with her eyes closed. I look around the dark tent for what could have set her off.
"WAACHHOOO!"
I look down at her from the tree that I and the top of the tent are in. "Was that a sneeze or an artillery barrage?"
"Master silly, make like a squirrel." She faces me and laughs. Then begins bouncing up and down at eye level with me. "Master - must like - boys - cause - squirrels - eat nuts - all day." She lands, and laughs herself silly - ier.
Maybe circling back, and begging the Prof for another girl is the best option, I think, Or becoming a hermit somewhere, since I probably would scare off a Mantis. I wonder if Widows take dinner reservations.
"Master and nobody hanging from a tree k - i - s - s - s - s - s - s . . . i - n - g! How can Master kiss nobody?" she asks herself, then wails, "Now I'm confused!"
I look down and wonder if the fall would kill me. I hate my life.
The scissors snip and clip. "Ouchie!"
"Didn't I tell you this would happen?" he says as he clips.
"You didn't mention bubblegum, specifically," Stupid Fuzzbutt whines, "Besides, I was doing fine, until I stumbled."
He keeps clipping the fur matted with the sticky pink residue. "Next time I tell you you're too dumb to walk and chew gum at the same time, take my word for it. And why did your buy super bubblegum? The empty space between your ears isn't enough?"
The moron looks up. "So I should have bought a tall hat instead? Ouchie," she asks as she looks up at the space between her ears.
Girl's too stupid to even know when I'm insulting her, he thinks morosely.
"Ouchie! I'm still attached to that fur, Master."
"You want all this off, or do you want to catch bugs and leaves and bits of twigs on your precious ears?" he asks angrily, "Isn't all the bubbling and popping from these mud sinkholes enough? Or were you planning to lure a Legendary here, trap her in the mud and awe her into surrender by showing her two vast empty nothings at the same time?"
The idiot suddenly stands and tries to break his ribs again. "Yay! Yay! Master cares about my ears! Master wants to protect my ears!"
"You do realize you still had that sticky stuff all over the rest of you?" he asks darkly, "Don't you?"
"Uh, I forgot." She tries to step back, but her Master moves with her. "Uh, Master, can I tell you something important?"
" 'Important'?"
"I mean really important?"
" 'Really important'? Like we're now stuck together," he says with a rising note and volume.
"Uh, Master - "
"That your arms are glued too, and so we're completely bonded together!" he shouts.
"Oo! Master knows we're bonded!!" the idiot squeaks, and falls over, dragging him to the ground with her.
"Wake up! Wake up you idiot rabbit!" he shrieks right in her ear. Then sighs. "And we're stuck to the ground too. Can this get any worse?"
"Ho weak Tamer! I have you at my mercy! Your money or your life!" he hears from somewhere he can't turn his head to see.
"Great," he says quietly, then shouts, "It's a package deal, you can have my money, but you have to kill me . . . no, you have to kill her first, then me!"
The stifled laugh tells him all he needs to know. "What kind of an idiot covers his girl in glue, and then tries to Tame her?"
"WOULD YOU JUST START WITH THE KILLING AND LEAVE THE STUPID QUESTIONS FOR LATER!" he shouts, and lowers his head, getting himself more stuck. "I hate my life."
"Those Officer Jennies were very nice."
"Yes they were," he replies as they walk towards the next town.
"They got all the gum off of me," she cries happily, and spins to show him, "Master help! I can't stop!"
He waits for her to get dizzier, then trips her. "Better, stupid?"
"Better stupid than dead!" she says, and giggles, "Ooo, spinny!"
He continues walking, leaving her in the road. A few moments later she bounds up to him. "I know you loved that jacket, but the reward for catching that man is enough to buy a new one . . . a real leather one. You've always wanted one."
"How about I skin you instead, then I'll have a fur-lined leather jacket," he replies.
She tugs her ears and grins. "Master's silly, then I'd be all chilly. I made a rhyme!"
"Congratulations," he murmurs.
"They saved your favorite shirt," she whines, "I was a good and thoughtful Alpha and made them promise to do that. And they had spare clothes."
"Thank you," he says as sarcastically as he could manage, "You couldn't have them save my pants too?"
"Sorry, I forgot." She tugs on her ears and grins. "But you have very nice legs Master, and that skirt shows them off." She smiles brightly, the only bright thing about her. "We could get a plaid one and tell everyone it's a kilt!"
"You want to get kilt?"
"Sure Master, we could get matching ones! We have enough to do that . . . but then you wouldn't have enough to get your leather jacket. So I guess that's a silly idea. Sorry Master."
Another joke spoiled, he thinks, I could tell her to stick her head in a Mantis's mouth and ring the dinner bell, she'd certainly get kilt. Ha, I could be so lucky, there's not a Mantis within a hundred miles of here.
"Master?"
"Yes?" he replies.
"Does 'regimental' mean drafty?"
"I hate my life."
Fuzzbutt watched her wonderful Master fall as the PsiDyke directed her attack, not at her, but at him.
"You hurt my Master," she said as if not understanding. She hopped over and checked that he was breathing, but he wouldn't awaken when she carefully shook, then slapped him. "MASTER YOUR DICK IS ON FIRE!" Confusion rapidly crystallized to rage as the rest of the Rocket Team stepped out of the trees, the two humans laughing at her pain and her Master's helplessness. Fury boiled hot and strong within her.
"You! Hurt! My! MASTER!" she screamed at the trio, who seemed to find her anger hilarious.
"What are you going to do?" the PsiDyke asked, "Scratch us with your claws? Bite us with your teeth?! Beat us to death with your floppy ears?"
Tears streamed down her fuzzy cheeks as she shook with rage. Stupid Fuzzbutt pulled two Pokèballs from her belt. "You! Are! Going! To! Pay!" she shrieked at them, inciting even more laughter.
"I don't wear a toupee!"
The trio shouted back, "Check's in the mail!"
"Bugs! Thumper! I choose you!" she shouted, her voice cracking as she thumbed the releases.
The lead Rocket couldn't help herself. "What kind of pathetic girl would he trust a Bunny - OH CRAP!" she concluded and turned to run as the Seraph and Demon-Goddess materialized.
"Make them shit themselves in pain and fear!" Fuzzbutt shouted.
"That's our Alpha, such imaginative orders," the Seraph said as she formed a blade.
"And she leaves the details to her noncoms. The sure sign of a good officer," the Demon-Goddess agreed as she advanced on the human pair with murder in her eyes.
Neither human hesitated, they ran screaming for their lives.
"Should we pursue?" the Demon-Goddess asked, then looked back at the girl who would have frightened a Mini-Top moments ago, gently cradling her fallen Master.
"You'll help him?" she plaintively asked her Harem-sisters.
"Of course," the Seraph said, as knelt next to him and laid her hands on him.
"Where do you think you're going?" the Demon-Goddess asked as she caught the PsiDyke, "She's not brilliant, but she is . . . inventive. I can guarantee, you'd rather face a Widow." The Demon-Goddess ignored the PsiDyke's mind tricks, and prevented her from simply teleporting away. "Gotcha."
The PsiDyke looked fearfully at the trio of Harem-sisters. Somehow the quiescent Bunnygirl garnered the most fear.
The Seraph leaned back tiredly, then reached over and patted the fuzzy head. "He'll stay asleep for a while, but he's no longer injured."
" 'No longer'," Stupid Fuzzbutt transferred her Master's head from her lap to the Seraph's as she stood and approached the PsiDyke. The PsiDyke tried to put the Demon-Goddess between herself and the approaching Bunnygirl.
"Do you surrender?" Stupid Fuzzbutt asked, almost mildly, but her anger was still palpable.
"Oh, yes of course, my lady!" The PsiDyke tried to drop to the ground, but ended up hanging from the Demon-Goddess's grip on her neck. "I surrender completely and totally, I am yours to command. You are my Alpha and I am your loyal Pokègirl."
"Why don't I believe you?" Stupid Fuzzbutt asked, staring at the PsiDyke as if to burn holes in her. "Thumper, Bugs, tear her to pieces, take your time about - "
"Wait!" the PsiDyke shouted as the Bunnygirl walked away to clear the area for the two more powerful Pokègirls, "I surrendered!"
"Does she realize that both Bugs and Thumper were boys?" the Seraph asked.
"Does she realize she's never told us which of us is which?" the Demon-Goddess asked as she manifested an elemental sword, "White, or dark meat?"
"You're definitely Thumper," the Seraph said as she made a pillow from cold weather gear for the man, as Stupid Fuzzbutt wrapped him in blankets from the packs. The Seraph formed her own blade. "I always liked flank steaks and rump roasts."
"Please!" the PsiDyke could sense only malevolence and murder from all three of them, "I gave up! I'll do whatever you want! Please! I . . . I don't want to die."
Stupid Fuzzbutt stood up from where her Master lay, and walked to the PsiDyke. The Demon-Goddess still held her, and held her blade near the PsiDyke's throat. "Our Master is . . . cranky," the Bunnygirl explained in oddly cold tones, "He thought when he became a Tamer, he'd have a girl who'd beg to suck him and fuck him every night. I tried, but got too excited. He's Tamed them, but whenever I try to tell him about them, he tells me to shut up. But guess what, now he's got a Pokègirl, who'll get on bended knee to beg him to let her suck him, and to fuck her long and hard."
The PsiDyke cringed from the thought as much as from the Bunnygirl's cold expression and tone.
"You will ask him every night to - "
"Service him," the Demon-Goddess said, and grinned at the shuddering PsiDyke.
"Anything but that," the PsiDyke whispered, then looked at the Bunnygirl and bowed her head, "I don't have a choice, do I?"
"You surrender," the Seraph said, "Surrender completely, or you don't. That's your choice."
"I'll do it."
"I still don't believe you." Stupid Fuzzbutt held a Pokèball in front of the PsiDyke. "Master says these can only catch girls who accept they've been caught. My Master is very smart. He told me exactly how to catch both of them, and I did it. He's gonna stick it to you every night, and you're going to act like you can't get enough, every night. For the rest of your life."
"Which means your life ends the day you can't convince him," the Seraph said politely, although she seemed uncomfortable about the conversation.
"She's pretty enough?" the Bunnygirl asked her Harem-sisters.
"Not as pretty as us," the Demon-Goddess pointed out.
"True," the Bunnygirl agreed.
"She's pretty enough to catch his eye. Hee hee. Every night her begging, hee hee, and he hee hee sticks it in her mouth," the Seraph said, then laughed.
The PsiDyke looked like her stomach was doing barrel rolls. "I'll submit to him."
"You will ask him. Every night," the Bunnygirl said, "I'm not so stupid I can't remember what I said."
The PsiDyke lowered her head, and nodded.
"Now, let's see if you can make the ball believe," Stupid Fuzzbutt said, "If you are lying, and pop out, even the Buzzbreasts won't have a use for your corpse."
The PsiDyke's expression was lost as she was reduced to red light. The ball's light blinked rapidly, and the ball rocked violently in the Bunnygirl's paws. All three Pokègirls watched it intently, waiting to pounce on the girl within, should she escape. As if aware of the scrutiny, the ball ceased rocking and the light faded. Stupid Fuzzbutt replaced the ball on her belt and walked away from her Harem-sisters, and her Master. The pair exchanged glances, and the Seraph went after the Bunnygirl, while the Demon-Goddess sat next to their Master.
"You don't deserve her, you cross of a Chickenlittle and a Vampire," the Demon-Goddess whispered to the man.
The Seraph watched as the Bunnygirl sat down, sniffled, then started bawling. "WAHHH! I'm the worstest Alpha ever! Waaah! I knew he to - to - told me to shut - shut up, but I shou - should have said some - something an - an - anyway! Waahh!"
The Seraph manifested her wings, to let her wrap them and her arms around the sobbing girl. She winced when Stupid Fuzzbutt blew her nose on some of the wing feathers. "You did your best, better than most people would have," she soothed, "He'll be fine, and back to his old . . . cranky self, very soon."
The words seem to have no effect on the distraught Bunnygirl. The Seraph sighed, and resigned herself to simply holding the sobbing girl.
"She hurt my Master," Stupid Fuzzbutt sniveled, "Why? They watched. They know he does that enough to himself."
"We'll take him to a hospital," the Seraph soothed her, "Hell be fine. He's tough, and the damage wasn't . . . severe."
"What did she do to him?!" Stupid Fuzzbutt asked, "How did she hurt him!?"
"He's not hurt, he's just . . . he isn't happy."
"Like he's not happy with me." The Bunnygirl sighed, and bowed her head. "And he wouldn't be happy to know I caught you two exactly like he told me too. He's a good and clever Master. He yells and complains a lot, but deep down he's nice."
"Didn't know you were a spelunker," the Seraph said.
"Can you two catch those Team Rocket people?" the Bunnygirl asked hopefully, "Maybe they have some Pokègirls that would make him happy."
"Happiness comes from inside."
"Boys don't have one of those," Stupid Fuzzbutt corrected, "Oh, they're happy when they are inside one. I get it. You couldn't say 's' - 'e' - ah, you're confusing sometimes. You know that? I bet he's looking forward to Taming her."
The Seraph's eyes crossed as she tried to follow the conversation. The Demon-Goddess came over to them and hugged both of them. "He'll be back to normal with a few days in the hospital."
"Okay," Stupid Fuzzbutt said, the Seraph put the girl in her Pokèball and returned to her lover's side. "Those Rocket morons were after us," the Seraph said, "They didn't think that a Bunnygirl would have custody of us."
"That's fine, and some time in her ball should take care of her. She wants to be punished for failing, and she wants to be loved for how hard she tries. What do we do about him?" the Demon-Goddess asked.
"The ocean's only a few hundred miles," the Seraph considered, "We could fly out and . . . naw, even she wouldn't buy that."
The Demon-Goddess smiled. "We take him into town. But we let our new Harem sister out, at the edge of town, and our Alpha out to announce our triumphant arrival, and we appear only after we're at the hospital."
"I shouldn't be so eager to agree, but it sounds like a plan," the Seraph agreed.
"What did you mean when you said that I'm Thumper?"
"Isn't it obvious?" the Seraph asked.
"Let's find out!' the Demon-Goddess said as she tackled her partner, "Surprise bun sex!"
"Of course she's my Master's," Stupid Fuzzbutt said to the stunned Officer Jenny. She tugged on her ears and giggled. "What a silly question! I intimated her into surrender."
" 'Intimated', you mean intimidated?" the Jenny asked.
"Yes," the PsiDyke said.
"He caught you, with her?" the Jenny asked with a smile fighting to break out. "And of course, he's going to Tame you every night." She closed her notebook and walked away chuckling.
"Isn't she going after your former Masters?" the Bunnygirl asked in confusion, staring at the Officer leaving.
"Not with an all-hands call to manage," the PsiDyke said, "Weren't you listening."
"Sure, but I've got my hands, they wouldn't leave," Stupid Fuzzbutt said, "That would be silly."
The PsiDyke tests the integrity of the wall and her skull with a few impacts. "Getting fucked by a man doesn't sound so bad right now," she muttered, "Feeels so good when you stop."
"She had both of her hands too . . . does she send all her hands out to solve crimes? Is that where 'the long arm of the law' comes from?"
The PsiDyke sighed. "No."
"But she's calling them all back, because there's trouble, and that's why she didn't go after the others!" the Bunnygirl said easily.
"Basically yes," the PsiDyke said, hoping for any rationality in her new world, "But she needs other peoples' hands too, and since they have to stay attached to their bodies . . . "
"She's got lots of people to manage," the Bunnygirl concluded, then looked confused, "Why didn't you say that in the first place?"
The PsiDyke tested the wall a few more times.
"You need that wall tuned up," the Bunnygirl said, "It's not very musical. Why would we need lots of Tamers and Pokègirls?"
"I don't know. My Masters were low-level. Maybe there's a real Menace."
"Like ring-around-the-collar?" the Bunnygirl asked worriedly.
"No."
"Like bathtub rings?"
"No."
"Like having bad breath at a job interview?"
"Where do you get these ideas?" the PsiDyke asked.
"They just pop into my head."
"They must get pretty lonely in there," the PsiDyke said, "It means a Menace Pokègirl: a Vampire nest, or a pack of Buzzbreasts, or even a Widow."
"We'll go too!" the Bunnygirl told her and marched towards the door.
The PsiDyke caught her. "We don't have a Master," she insisted.
"They LOST him?!" Stupid Fuzzbutt squeaked, "He was just in room 723! Now they lost him?! We have to find him?"
"They didn't lose him! He's there. He's just unconscious . . . ah, having tea with lots of cute animals and fluffy toys."
"Sounds wonderful!"
"You would think so," the PsiDyke said, and continued with growing revulsion, "And dancing with rainbows, and singing happy songs with yodeling mice."
"Can you show me too, can you show me too!?" The Bunnygirl practically danced in front of the PsiDyke.
"Maybe later," the PsiDyke said, and shuddered.
"Oh, yeah, we've got a Menace to fight!" she said as she grabbed the other girl's arm and marched towards the door.
The PsiDyke dug in her heels. "We don't ha - that is, our Master has to stay here. What happens if he stays here and we go out there without him? What happens then?"
The Bunnygirl blinked, and considered. "Is this a trick question? We won't have to look for him when we're done. That's obvious! Trying to fool me, will you." She shook her fist in the PsiDyke's face. "I'm not as dumb as you think I am! I'm, gonna have Master spank you before he Tames you," the Bunnygirl insisted as she dragged the stunned PsiDyke along behind her, "Yep, that's what I'm gonna do!"
"Help me," the PsiDyke whimpered.
"How stupid can you be?" came from the tent in the clearing.
"Waaah! You didn't say there was going to be a test!" came the wailing reply.
"How could you set fire to water?" the angry, male voice asked.
"It's out now!" the reply whined, "Water can't burn! You told me water can't burn! I believed in you! My Tamer lied to me! Waaah!"
"Unless someone is stupid enough not to know that!" came the shouted riposte, "Then they can do anything!"
"Is - " she sniffled, and continued hopefully, "Is Master saying I can do anything?"
The eyes watching the camp, and the ears listening intently to the exchange, shifted silently through the encircling brush. Not a noise could be heard, or a glimpse caught of the voyeur, even if there hadn't been the screaming match going on only a dozen yards away.
"Are . . . are . . . are you saying, I . . . I'm . . . I'm stupid?" the whimpering voice asked.
"Oh, no. You're so are beyond stupid that you can't see it from where you are! Poets would write great works about it. Operas will be sung about it!" came the screaming response, "Doctoral dissertations by the hundreds will ask: 'With a brain like that, how could she breathe? Let alone live?'"
"So," she sniffled again, before asking, "Is that a good thing? Master is confusing me."
"You can't blame that on me! You were created confused! Whenever you pick up a rock, you can't figure out if you should eat it or sing to it!"
"Silly Master," she giggled, "Rocks can't sing, unless they're Pokègirls, and bunnies are vegetarians!" There was a pause. "Are there singing Rock-types?"
"No, they all like jazz."
"Huh?!" the girl asked.
Outside, the monster sprang. It passed through the illusion of the tent with its bickering Master and Alpha, and deep into the boiling mud below. As it struggled in the scalding mush, trying to climb out, or free its fouled wings, the Mantis's head exploded. A moment later, the sound of a rifle shot and two Hyperbeams echoed across the bubbling mudflat.
"Yay! Yay! Yay!" Stupid Fuzzbutt hugs the Witch and the Matron as they stood away from their rifle. "We did it! Yay!" She squeezes them to herself and bounces up and down with joy. Fifteen feet into the air and down.
The pair looks rather green as Stupid Fuzzbutt releases them to race to the Tamer who is surveying their work. She stops in front of the huge binoculars he used to observe the dead Mantis.
"Gek!" he shouts and steps back, lowering the binoculars.
She looks at him intently. "You really don't think I'm . . . that stupid? Do you? For real?"
"We charted the maneuver to destroy the Mantis, without any of us being put at risk, from the framework you provided. And most importantly, it worked faultlessly."
"So you do think I'm stupid," the Bunnygirl sniffles.
The Tamer closes his eyes as if pained. "No."
"Yay!"
"Stop!" he commands, before she can hug him, "The others will be jealous."
The Bunnygirl tugs her ears and looks around. "Oh, yeah, right, I forgot," she says and giggles.
"Go hug them," he whispers to her.
"Oh! Can I?!" she squeals, and with his nod, dashes off, "Yay! Yay! Yay!" She bounds towards the other Seraph and the Megami, who both look petrified at her approach. She catches them and hugs them happily.
The PsiDyke who watches another PsiDyke watching the Witch and the Matron packing away the rifle, her expression more akin to lust than interest. "Your Master really's douche bag."
"He hasn't Tamed her Alpha yet," Stupid Fuzzbutt's PsiDyke explains, "Insults her constantly, won't even purchase the damned restraints that would allow him to Tame her . . . course, she gets her revenge, or rather we get it for her."
"How's that?" the other asks.
The first smiles. "Big, bad bully Tamer, and what are his girls? A Bunnygirl and a PsiDyke. I suspect he's more squicked by the idea of me doing him than I am. He doesn't know about 'Thumper' or 'Bugs'."
"Be a shame not to keep it that way. Best lie is the truth tol' unconvincin'." The pair smiles at the delicious irony, and the subtle revenge.
The fuzzy ball of enthusiasm grabs the pair and shakes them with glee, until their teeth felt loose. "Yay! Yay! Yay! We won! We killed a Menace all by ourselves! We'll get a reward! We'll have money for Master! Yay!" She releases the pair and hops over to the Tamer, her arms open wide. His warning stare and gesture stops her. She moves in slowly, and carefully hugs him, nuzzling his neck and tapping on his head and shoulders with her ears. He responds by scratching behind her ears. Her feet start tapping, but he begins scratching with both hands and her legs seem to go rubbery.
"Thanks for listening to a dumb ole' bunny," she says.
"Your plan was foolproof and perfectly executed," he replies.
"Thanks for putting up with it anyway."
His eyes cross for a moment, then refocus. "Your plan was very good. How did you think of it?"
"My Master told me," she says proudly, "He's the smartest Master there is. I listen to everything he tells me. I listen carefully to everything everybody says. Then I know, I don't have to think hard, just remember and put it together."
"I think you may have an exc - a very good def - way of saying 'genius.'"
"Really?" The Bunnygirl claps he hands and bounces excitedly. "What is it?"
The Tamer closes his eyes for a moment, then says, "You listen, remember and assemble."
"WOW! I'm gonna remember that!" Stupid Fuzzbutt says happily, "I wish I was smart enough to think of those things."
"I'm sure you will remember it."
"Too bad we can't move that mud puddle," the Bunnygirl says.
"Well," the Tamer says, "Actually . . . "
Another hospital, oh, those Team Rocket clowns, he thinks as he examines the ceiling and checks to see if all his important parts are still attached, Yes, I'm all here, now for the bad new as.
"Master's awake!"
Yep, my luck's still awful.
"Hello Fuzzbutt, what did those idiots want?" I ask as she comes into view, dragging another Pokègirl alongside. A cute nurse bends over, letting me see her cleavage.
Maybe it won't be so bad, I think, I remember the ride I got last time I was in the hospital.
"Look Master! Look Master! I caught a Pokègirl, all for you! She's powerful too! We can train her and you can Tame her every night!"
The girl winces at that.
Something about her . . . I wonder to myself. The nurse's guffaw and shift departure tells me, There's something going on here!
"And she's loyal," Fuzzbutt adds, then begins dancing around, "Master caught a PsiDyke! Master Tamed a PsiDyke!" she sings as she dances in circles.
Yep, that's what's missing, I think as I look at the girl who is staring at the spinning idiot, I almost think she does this on purpose. Then I remember, she'd have to have a brain to do anything on purpose.
"Welcome to my Hell," I tell her, she nods.
"Master caught a PsiDyke! Master - oo, ouchie! Waaah, I fell down!"
The new girl bows her head, and shakes it sadly.
I think she's as happy about this as I am, I realize, The whole situation.
"You got that right," the girl mutters, as she stares at Fuzzbutt, who is still overjoyed at the capture.
"Let me guess. She told everybody in town, put up fliers, shouted at the Mayor un a City Council meeting . . . things like that."
Her growing amazement fills me with dread. "You even got the order right," she says, "You are as brilliant as she said you were. You forgot talking about your history to the police. Right after she put up the fliers."
"Were the Officer Jennies at least interested in catching your former Masters?"
"We never asked. Good riddance to them all. You see there was a marauding Mantis."
I tense up. She's looking at the Bunnygirl tightly gripping the floor.
"I stopped spinning! Why is the world still spinny?!" she asks in distress.
"Relax, it's dead. She came up with an absolutely brilliant plan to catch and kill it."
"She came up with the plan?"
"Yep. We didn't even need those two. How did she catch them anyway? Or did she?"
" 'Those two"? I ask.
"Your Demon-Goddess and Seraph."
"Oh, she didn't catch them. I did. You see, I'm the Widow Slayer reborn." It's not a good joke, but a moment later I'm not the floor, laughing myself sick. "She caught a Seraph and a Demon-Goddess, by herself?! Now that you're here, maybe we should go after Typhonna? Or start small and get Bastit and Sexebi," I manage between gales of laughter.
After my ribs quit hurting, I'm able to stand. "Okay, that's a good one. Thanks, I haven't felt like laughing in a while. You're a PsiDyke, and I bet she thinks that I should Tame you." I wait for her to nod. "I'll make you a deal, you help me Tame her, she Tames you, and then, I won't have to."
She squirms at the idea, but still nods.
"The deal I made with her . . . I have to offer to Tame you."
"Don't PsiDykes . . . eat the guys who rape them?"
"Occasionally, that's why she made me promise to offer."
Stupid Fuzzbutt is on her feet, and in the PsiDyke's face. "You promised! I'm Alpha!" The PsiDyke actually backs away.
"And I'm Master!" I roar at her.
She squeaks and hides behind the PsiDyke, who rolls her eyes. "If he Tames me, he won't be able to Tame you."
She actually tries to think about that. "Yessss, Master good for about twice a night. So that means - "
I almost don't want to know, I think.
"I left all our stuff in the lobby of the Police Station!" She dashes for the door.
"The window's quicker!" I shout and throw it open.
"Thanks Master! Some Amerind's name!" she shouts as she jumps through the window, and down.
The PsiDyke looks out. "You did know that we are on the seventh floor?"
"The door says '723', so yes I guessed."
"You did know there was a pool down there?"
"I know she can't swim."
The PsiDyke stares at me with an unreadable expression.
"I knew it would be something like that. A mattress factory, or she'd land on a passing Flying-type, something," I say disgustedly.
She raises an eyebrow. "Uh huh." ------------------------------
The pair steps away from the window.
"That mugger she landed on . . . " the PsiDyke says and shudders.
"Lucky he was so close to a hospital," he replies, "Seven floors, straight down. I wonder how big the reward she's gonna get is? Or will she ignore it and race off to the police station."
The PsiDyke looks out the window and down. "Cash stick, you have to have real money to use those."
"Not enough to get a beer in this county," he says and sighs.
"Is that what you really want?" the PsiDyke asks incredulously.
"I'll settle for that. Unless you want a Taming . . . "
She cringes.
" . . . I didn't think so."
"So what's going on between you two?"
"When she was a bratty tag-along, I couldn't ever get rid of her. When she started filling out, she was too good for me anymore. When she Thresholded, all her shiny new friends didn't want her anymore. So they stuck her with her 'old friend', me. It's been a merry hop and skip through Hell ever since. Those visions were disturbing, but I've lived through worse."
"Sorry," the PsiDyke says.
"You followed orders," he replies, "Say, most PsiDykes are telekinetics, how'd you get telepathic powers."
"You aren't the only one who went through Hell to get here."
The pair remain silent for a while.
"Did it ever occur to you that she loves you?" the PsiDyke asks.
"Yep. And if she gets a shiny new Master, she'll love him . . . or her, just the same."
The PsiDyke nods, then turns away and frowns.
How did I get Rabbit haemorrhagic disease? he wonders, The universe is truly insane.
From outside the privacy screens, the idiot says, "I'll mist you Master - mast you Mister - miss . . . " Stupid Fuzzbutt tugs her ears and giggles. "I'll be lonely without you, Master."
Proof positive, he thought as he hid under the bed, expecting her to topple the heavy, isolation screens on him.
"I'm sure your friends will keep you company. Especially the Seraph and Demon Goddess," he sneers.
"You told him?!" Stupid Fuzzbutt yells at the PsiDyke, "Now he'll be all cranky!"
"You didn't tell me not to!"
"You should have read my mind!" the Bunnygirl replies.
"I don't read comic books," the PsiDyke shouts back, "Ow! Ow! Beat me with your ears will you! I'll show you how PsiDykes deal with uppity FOOD!"
"Ouchie!"
The privacy partition crashes down on the bed.
"Knew it," he says from under the bed, "Remember, keep everything you catch. But no Menaces. No Menaces in the Harem."
"Or snakes," Stupid Fuzzbutt says, and shudders.
"Why? Some nice, scaley girl cuddles up to you -"
"Snakes gonna sneaky snake inside me and bite me on my bunny place!" the Bunnygirl screams as she runs from the room and down the hall.
"Is she serious?" the PsiDyke asks as she 'digs' her Master out.
"Yep."
"What kind of idiot - I withdraw the question. Who would have told - I think I know that too," the PsiDyke says, and scowls, "You two deserve each other."
"That's harsh," he replies as he climbs out of the mess.
The two Jokettes flew through the air. The PsiDyke, Demon-Goddess and Alaka-Wham straining to keep the murderous tricksters under control. The pair came to a landing in the pool of sticky goo. The attack team left the pair to struggle in the thick, gluey morass, until the Jokettes had convinced themselves that escape, even by teleportation, was impossible.
Then the assault force sent in their secret weapon.
The long ears and boxing gloves of their new guest, alerts the Jokettes that something unusual is going on. That she's walking a few feet above the ground further alerts them.
"Hi there!" the Bunnygirl says happily, "Would you be willing to surrender? Please?" She smiles and tries to tug her long ears, but the boxing gloves prevent it.
The Jokettes smile at each other, and in unison breath in.
"How do you expect to drown with floatation like that?" the Bunnygirl asks, setting the two Jokettes choking. Both Jokettes manage to breathe out in fits and starts, only to watch the Smilex gas float back behind them.
"You wanna hear a dirty joke?" the Bunnygirl asks, "One Jokette fell in a mud puddle?" She chuckles as the Jokettes grimace. "Or, two Jokettes fell in a mid piddle, ah, mud puddle, and in nine months, eight came up," she says eagerly, setting the Jokettes squirming. She looks confused. "But partho doesn't take two, only one . . . so I guess it doesn't work."
The Jokettes increase their efforts to swim out of the trap, and find the gluey mass too fluid to support any weight, and too sticky to allow easily movement.
"Why did the Penance paint her straps alternating red and green? It was Christmas!"
The Jokettes increase their efforts.
"Oh, a dwarf, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The dwarf grabs them by the hands and drags them back out. 'I'm not staying in there,' he tells them, 'I've heard this joke before.'" She stands there, thinking, then realizes, "Agh! I should have told the other joke first!"
Both Jokettes hurl gobs of mud at her.
"Why can't you throw vegetables, like nice people? My last performance was pure gold. It had to be, I picked up at least 24 carrots off the stage during the performance. Of course I also took a head of lettuce to the head. If I'd had to go to the bathroom, it would have been a head to the head while heading to the head." She pauses and shakes her head. "I'm sure I shook something loose with that one."
"Where was I? Oh! A druid, a minister . . . no, it was a dwarf, not a druid, and was the minister a priest or a rabbi? I'm confused!" the Bunnygirl wails, then dodges a fireball one Jokette hurls, "I'll remember, I'll remember! It was a priest! And the third one was a rabbit - rabbi! So they -" She dodges an icebolt. "If you keep shooting at me, I can't remember if it was a bar or a tavern! EEK!" she shouts as she tries to dance out of the barrage of fireballs, icebolts, dark balls, mud gobs and lightning strikes that the Jokettes unleash at her.
"Hey! If you fire sticky balloons at me, that's a lightening strike! Ouchie!"
He glared at the notice. Revocation of my Tamer certs, he thinks as he looks at the seal and the copy of his signature that accompanied him getting the letter, Never accept a letter you have to sign for, he thinks, New rule.
He walks down the path some distance away from the hospital. "I finally start getting my feet under me, and what happens? Someone yanks them out from under me. I wish I could figure out who, then I'd beat the crap out of them. Maybe they'd 'see the light', maybe it would just let me feel better."
The net drops on him. "Ah, the perfect ending to an otherwise wonderful day," he says as the sting on his butt steals away his consciousness, "Now, nothin' es'l c'go wr -"
"What do you call a Widow singing in a tree?" the Bunnygirl asks as she dodges the occasional shot, "Nothing! You're too busy trying to sneak away!"
"What's the difference between a Titmouse and an Evangelion? Use your 'dex stupid! Knock, knock? Who's there? Abkejeklminok Kerstuwixes. Can I call you Fred just to make things clear?"
"I like to sleep in, in tents, in my Master's arms, which is intense," the Bunnygirl says, and hugs herself tightly, "But because of these," she says unhappily and batted her ears, "I always get up ear-ly."
She dodges the feeble Power bolt from one Jokette and giggles. "You missed! I watched a man shoot a Mantis about a thousand yards, how he got her to climb into the cannon, I can't figure out."
Both Jokettes seem to strain, but remain where they are. They look at each other, note that the wind had changed, and they breathe out. The cloud of Smilex misses the Bunnygirl completely.
"Ha, I'm not as dumb as you think I am! I'm as smart as that man who fell in a vat of chocolate and started screaming 'Fire!', see he screamed 'Fire' because if he yelled 'Chocolate!' nobody would have noticed. Of course another man fell in a vat, remembered the trick but he shouted 'Widow attack.' He died when everyone ran out of the building and didn't come back for a month."
Waking up chained to a bed is a new experience, he thinks, Restraints yes, chains no. Great, the rattle woke someone else up.
The Pokègirl walks into view of the dim light coming into the room.
She's tall, pretty, more muscular than curvy, although she has nice tits. Hair in corn rows? Where have . . . ah, a Xerablondi, they catch their 'prey' with nets, he remembers, They don't eat their mates, so I might be safe for a while.
The shorter, much bustier, and purple clad figure walks into view, and smiles.
Okay, cancel that, I'm gonna die.
"Your routine wouldn't happen to need a straight man would it? I've got lots of experience."
One of the Jokettes waves a white flag, while the other floats and makes duck noises.
"I don't understand what's wrong," the Bunnygirl says, "I practiced telling these jokes to my Master while giving him a titty fuck. I asked if he had a witty comeback. So he walked behind, lifted my tail and shoved it in my ass before he fired off his load. 'That's as close to your brains as I can cum back.' What do you suppose me meant?"
The Jokettes look at each other and begin muttering.
"What did Typhonna sing when she stomped around the Orange Continent? Waltzing Godzilla! Waltzing Godzilla, waltzing Godzilla, you are the monster from under the sea -! I forgot the next line."
A pair of thunderclouds form over the Bunnygirl's head. Rain and small lightning bolts descend on her. The two clouds pursue her as she dodges.
"Do you know what the Blue Leaguers said about what happened to Orange? 'Shattering old chap!'"
"Ouchie! Do you think I'm a Francinestein? How many Vale graduates does it take to change a light bulb? HA! You missed! It all depends on what you want them to change it into! Ha! Ha! How many Vale graduates does it take to change a light bulb? Come on! Call them off, this one is different! One, if you say it takes more, they'll turn you into a frog. No, they'll turn you into a light bulb. That's right."
She dodges the lightning and rain as the clouds chase her. The Jokettes look on hungrily, but she carefully stays upwind, and thus out of reach.
"How many Neevo Tendo - Nuevo Tencho - Nuevo Ten U grads does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on which department they graduated from . . . even I don't get that one," she says while shaking her head. The small lightning bolts keep missing her as she moves.
"I knew a Bunnygirl so dumb, she thought the Silver Islands got washed down the Silver River. Ha! Even I know the Silver River drains out on the other side of the continent . . . but if it's always draining, isn't it incontinent?"
The Jokette had been breathing in more and more deeply, throwing her shoulders back and thrusting her chest out with each breath. So she strokes up with the inhale, and down with the exhale. So her game's to make me hard as a rock, and scared to death her next breath is going to be my last, Brian thinks, I don't see where the joke is.
"You think this is scary, or funny?" he asks, "Or just vicious? Sorry, you don't make the first cut! My Prof saddled me with a Bunnygirl who isn't even smart enough to know something's impossible. I got hospitalized for catalyzing an evolution from Milktit to Minotaura, while I was Taming her! That idiot managed to prove she wasn't smart enough to walk and chew gum at the same time, yet she managed to glue us together, then to the ground, so they had to cut me out of my jacket and pants to get us loose! Three times, three damn times! I tried to buy restraints, so I could Tame her or tie her up and get away, and each time I either got thrown out of the store or clear out of town! And you're going to try to scare me by making me smile and laugh until I die?! FAT CHANCE!" he screams at the stunned Jokette. "She'll charge in here to 'rescue her wonderful Tamer', except I'll live the rest of my life with an idiot girl and she'll assume I'm eternally happy to see her! I have dreams about being eaten alive by Mantises and Widows. DREAMS not nightmares! You want to kill me!? Fine, get to it! You want to torture me? I spent a week in a frilly pink dress having tea with fucking, singing rainbows, dancing teddy bears and every kind of Pokèkit there is! All that barely legal ass to tap and I didn't even have my stick anymore! Top that for torture! G'wann! Try it! I bet you can't!" he shouts.
The Jokette had slowly ceased smiling, and now she slinks away, slump-shouldered.
"That's right! Run away! Too afraid your art can't top my real life!" he screams at her.
The Jokette broke into a run.
"I hate my life."
"If that were true," the Xerablondi says, "You should have kept your mouth shut, and enjoyed your death."
He squeezes his eyes shut. I had a perfect way out, and I scared her off!
"Bee-i-ch! Bee-i-ch! Bee-i-ch!" she tells him as she walks away. There are two other girls who upon arriving, began and continued to stare at him.
"What do you want?"
"A Taming!"
Maybe things are looking up, he thinks.
"Well, cum on over!"
"What?" one asks.
"With you watching?" the other asks.
"EEWW!" they squeal together.
"I can close my eyes," I tell them.
"We'd have to unchain you and get out of our bed," the first says.
"You want to Tame each other? Right?"
"Of course, what other way is there?"
The pair stand up. They aren't just fine, they are excellent. Very Near Human, or humans, except for the Jokette-style make-up and the weird hairstyle which make them unusual, he thinks.
"Men eat their partners."
"Sure we do, but you always come back."
"We've heard that too," one says, "I don't want to . . . play."
"Then how 'bout a blowjob them?" I ask.
They look at each other and giggle.
I'd prefer nails on a chalkboard, he thinks.
Then both blow raspberries at him as they walk away. The sway of their naked asses . . .
"Mesmerizing," comes an imperious voice.
He turns and looks. That's the weirdest Pokègirl I've ever seen. How many bows are tied in her hair? He looks across at eye-level, then up. In all her hair? There's even three in her bushy eyebrows, he wonders as he looks her over, Are those bells in her scalp hair? Why don't they ring when she moves? I've heard of nipple piercings, but I kinda hope those smiley buttons are pasted on, he thinks as he gives her another once over, She's got the same body paint as the others, but hers goes all the way to simulating the purple and green bikini-tuxedo, except for the kill flags on her belly. I guess the decapitated bodies with the erections are Tamers, two tanks, an aircraft carrier and a Widow. I'm more likely to believe the carrier.
"Going for quintuple ace?" he asks.
I couldn't be that lucky.
"OW!" he yelps.
Never saw a 'Cutsie Magical Pixiegrrl' riding crop before. Stupid Fuzzbutt as a Dominatrix? Wonderful!
"Stand at attention."
"I'm chained down! How - OW!"
"Speak only when spoken to!" she tells him.
Silly as it looks, he thinks, It works just fine. So it's psychotic drill sergeant, I know how to play that game.
"Yes, ma'am. OW!"
"Stand at attention when addressing me!"
"I cannot, ma'am, I'm chained down . . . ma'am."
The riding crop doesn't come down this time. Instead she holds it beneath her chin, and her eyes fill with tears. "You must think I'm a horrible person."
There are times you just ignore what someone says.
"To have cruelly tied you up and inflicted such . . . " She bursts out in sobs. "Oh, I can't stand it any longer! I have to help!" she sobs, "Discipline be damned. I cannot stand the suffering!"
Okay . . . I think the March Hare is only missing the Cheshire cat and the Tit - dormouse.
"COLD!!" he screams as she packs a dozen ice bags about his prick and balls.
"Don't worry. It will ease the swelling," she trills as she walks away dancing.
He screams and shouts, and shakes, trying to dislodge them. No use.
The Xerablondi returns. "Damn, I was hoping for at least one good Taming, before she killed you."
"Wonderful." ------------------------------
"So the rabbi pulled the dwarf to safety and asked, 'Why'd they need your beard to clean the tuba? Shouldn't they have used a tuba toothpaste?'" she waited in vain for a reaction before continuing, "How many Goths does it take to change a light bulb? None, they prefer it dark!" The Bunnygirl laughs, and tries to tug her ears. The boxing gloves prevent it. "How many Widows does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, if we could fit them in light bulbs, they'd be an even bigger problem! Why'd the Farfuck'd cross the road? To prove she was the one true heir of Marphaledeastan!"
The two small thunderclouds collide. For a moment, the two form a seething mass. The Bunnygirl scrambles to get away from the mass. "It's getting cranky like Master!" she shouts a warning, "It's going to - "
The massive lightning bolt passes between her ears and strikes the pool the Jokettes struggle in. The blast stands their hair on end and causes streamers of steam to pour out of their ears and out of the pool itself.
Seemingly exhausted, the cloud hangs in the air, a gentle rain falling from it. "Ooo!" the Bunnygirl says happily, she runs under it and frowns, "Lookie! Lookie! I'm Master! Everything's bad," she moans, "Nobody really loves me." Then she takes a 'victory pose'. "But Stupid Fuzzbutt loves Master and will assemble a Harem of girls who will love him as much as she does! See if she doesn't!"
She turns around and looks straight into the faces of two severely singed and battered Jokettes, standing on a piece of lightning-dried ground.
"Oh," she says, "You probably didn't get that joke either. Heh, heh, heh," she laughs nervously. "Can I offer you some breath mints? No? Do you know what you get when you cross an Eva with a buffet? Snorlass impersonations!" She laughs, then sobers. "You don't like that. How about this? What do you get when you cross a Snorlass with an all-you-can-eat buffet? A bankrupt owner." She smiles, then notes the Jokettes' widening smiles. "What do you get when you cross two Jokettes?" she asks as she tries to tug on her ears, but the boxing gloves prevent it, "One very dead Fuzzbutt."
The Jokettes grin and chuckle as they advance.
"Oh! I forgot!" she says as punches the gloves together, "Why did the Bunnygirl cross the Jokettes?" She waits for them to smile more. "To get them to cross the road." She drew a line on the ground with her foot and hops across it. "And why did they cross the road?" She punches both of them as they cross the line together. "To be made into MaryAnn Drews!" she shouts as the light of evolution envelops both of the Jokettes. "I hope I don't have to pay for those Angel stones!" she says as she leaps away. The explosion still overtook her.
"Ouchie!"
"You knew this was going to happen?" Brian accuses the Xerablondi.
She nods. "She's nuts, but not too dangerous," the Pokègirl says, "As long as you remember one thing."
"What's that? Don't insult her hairstyle? How does she tie the bows in the hair . . . down there?"
"Don't push the red button, whatever you do."
"Oh yeah?"
"That Widow was as skeptical as you are," the Xerablondi says.
"A Jokette-wannabe killed a Widow? How did a Farfuck'd kill a Widow? Even a crazy Farfuck'd?"
"When the insane Jokette-wannabe lost her Tamer, and her limiter earrings," the Xerablondi says darkly, "A crazy Megami-Sama, Jokette-wannabe, is a match for a Widow."
He stares at the ceiling. Now I know I'm going to die.
"Yay! Yay! Two more girls for Master! Yay! Yay!" Stupid Fuzzbutt hugs the transformed girls and jumps up and down, inducing severe motion sickness in both.
"You barfed on my ears!" the Bunnygirl wails, "EEEW! You barfed in my ears!"
The PsiDyke trips the Bunnygirl, and hold her head under the water of the stream, until the Seraph pulls her out.
"You could have drowned her, given her brain - !"
"Is my ear clean? Do I need a brainwashing!?" the Bunnygirl asks, then shakes, soaking the pair and beating them with her ears.
"You were saying?" the sodden PsiDyke asks.
"Oh," Stupid Fuzzbutt says, and pulls the walkie-talkie out of her ear, "It worked."
"I'm glad," the chunky Tamer says, "They're yours, we've got enough girls I think."
"Yay! Yay!" Stupid Fuzzbutt shouts as she hugs the two Tamers. The Alaka-Wham holds the trio suspended, to prevent them from being shaken to pieces like the two MaryAnn Drews. "AUGH! I'm too tall! My feet don't touch the ground anymore!" she squeals as she wiggles her feet in the air. They gently land a moment later.
"I think we'll be going," the tall female Tamer says, "Nice meeting you." The woman waves, while urging her group down the path.
"Bye! Bye!" Stupid Fuzzbutt shouts as she bounds up and down. When the group disappears behind the bend, the Bunnygirl rounds on the PsiDyke, "You scared them!"
"I -?"
"I'm glad you admit it. You were bad and should be punished. And -"
The PsiDyke grabs the Bunnygirl's ears and shouts at her, "If you tell me you're going to punish me in the name of the moon, bunny -" The PsiDyke growls, then shouts, "I'm gonna flatten you!"
"Scary crazy-girl!" the Bunnygirl wails as the crouches and covers her head.
The loud and somewhat comical noise wakes Brian from a happy dream involving being Tamed to death by cute Ferals, who won't speak. He tries to jerk upright, and finds he's still securely bound. In the dim light, he sees the Jokette hanging upside-down, spread-eagle, with a large knife in her hand.
"Seems someone else isn't too fond of our host," he mutters. He glances at the Xerablondi who sits up next to his bed.
"If you don't have a strong stomach," she warns, "I'd look away."
"Oh ho! Ho! Ho!" the woman of ice packs approaches the Jokette from inside the room the Jokette was sneaking into.
"That laugh would make nails on a chalkboard sound like a symphony," he mutters.
"You've decided to misbehave again. So you shall be punished." She claps her hands, while the Jokette whimpers. "Everyone else, wake up. You should see this."
"Aren't we breaking curfew to do so, Narm?" the Xerablondi asks.
The nut considers. "Forgiven."
The Xerablondi exhales in relief. "Thank you, Narm."
'Narm?' he mouths to her. The Xerablondi shakes her head. Then he asks, "Murder is okay, breaking curfew is -?"
"What she'll be punished for. Although it won't be called punishment."
"Since she had to be with her loving Narm so," the nut announces, "I'm going to give her a especially special Taming. But next time, just ask. You don't have to sneak in." She pulls the knife from the Jokette's hands. "Oh, toys! I have toys too, don't I?"
"No, NO! NO!" the Jokette screams, violently shaking her head.
"I thought Jokettes weren't afraid of anything," he whispers.
"Afraid is such an insignificant word," the Xerablondi explains, "In the face of true madness."
The mad Megami-Sama pulls out a pair of dildos, affixed end to end. One slimmer and ribbed, the other nearly the length and thickness of a forearm, ridged and warty. She holds up a fist, as if to play rock-paper-scissors. "Spock, Lizard, Frelmeck!" She punches the Jokette in the face, hard. "Oh, you didn't make the right symbol! I win! I get the smaller end, after all, you should never change a winning formula." She gags the bloody-mouthed Jokette and steps up on the bottom of the Jokette's breasts.
Even gagged I can guess what she's saying. That's gotta hurt! Ouch! Almost as much as stepping on her cunt. Ooch! I guess I was right about that too, he thinks and winces, She's not gonna - yeah she is!
"Where does it go, where does it go, decisions, decisions." She slips the smaller end into herself, and sets the huge end against the Jokette's anus "We'll see if you've been doing your exercises!" the girl says cheerfully as the puts her full weight on the dildo, and pulls on the trapped Jokette's legs so she begins rotating.
The Xerablondi sits directly in his line of sight. "Horrifiyingly fascinating as it is, neither of us really needs to watch that," she says over the noise of female grunting and muffled squealing.
"What is going on?" he asks, despite all the images forming in his head.
"Jokettes like 'recruiting' others, to be like them. Well after failing with me, she got a bright idea."
"You've have been practicing!" the cheery tone sends shivers up his back. The muffled cries make him try to see around the Xerablondi.
The Pokègirl grabs his chin and holds it firmly. "You. Do. Not. Want. To. See. This," she tells him, "Understand?" She lets him nod. " 'Narm' kicked her hard in the gut, and she got it inside, and she'll do it again. If it doesn't work, she'll use the knife the Jokette had. I've seen it, I've had to listen to it too, and I've watched her scold the bloody, weeping Jokette for her carelessness while playing."
He shivers again. "Can you unlock me?"
"And be punished the same way? Not on your life!" she tells him, "This Jokette, the one getting cork-screwed, decided a Megami-Sama would be the perfect protegee."
The Jokette lets out a long, wailing scream. The Xerablondi cringes, but doesn't unblock his view. "The knife," she says, "There are places to put it, and ways to use it that . . . she'll live, I guarantee it, so would you. And you'd regret every second."
"This can't be happening."
"The Jokette you're feeling sorry for, captured the Megami-Sama's Harem-sisters, one-by-one, and broke them sexually, physically, psychologically, then brutally, although humourously murdered them, one-by-one. Until there were none left, just her Master. They came after the Jokette, being good, she didn't simply obliterate the building the Jokette was in. The Jokette captured her Master, and for weeks she tortured him, and escaped before the Megami-Sama could close in. She left behind her dying, destroyed Harem-sisters, to indicate what might be happening to her Master. I was left behind early on, as a hostage for the Jokette's good behavior, and to show the Megami-Sama exactly what was happening to her Master. She healed me, mostly. The others she had to let die, and she died a little with each of them. 'Narm' felt every bit of it, her bond with her Master was so strong. Finally, the Jokette appeared and promised she wouldn't hurt her Master anymore, if the Megami-Sama surrendered, and became a good student. The idiot surrendered. The Jokette did things that make this look like a folk-dance, while her Master was fucked in ways that the Megami-Sama's - pristineness - would never allow her to do."
"The Jokette kept her word?" he asks.
"Oh yes, she never lies, but be careful about what is not said. 'Narm"s master enjoyed it, enjoyed every second of it, the Jokette made sure of that, and made sure that Cammy, that was the Megami-Sama's name, knew how she'd failed to satisfy her Master. Then, she killed him, painlessly, and claimed she'd kept her word."
The Jokette's muffled cries of pain had transitioned into a helpless, continuous wail.
" 'Narm' . . . Cammy . . . died, and a new Jokette, Narm, was born."
He nods.
"Against us - it's more - have you seen that pre-war cartoon where that G-Poindexter/Coyotits splice chases that flat-chested Chocoboob?"
"Yeah, Acme products."
"It's like that, if you keep your wits about you, you'll make it. The Jokette only gets treated like this . . . or worse, when she tries to kill someone, or if she says Narm isn't funny. Cammy's gone, but Narm has all her powers, which in a rather silly and creepy way, makes her vastly more powerful than that Jokette. Narm fixed the Smilex breath, and sped up her regeneration, among other things."
The Jokette's noises had subsided to whimpers and occasional cries.
"Now, now, 'tears are like rain, use a grin as your umbrella'." She sings and laughs, like the tinkling of bells.
"I used to love that show," he admits, "When I was five. I think she just ruined the only good part of my childhood."
"Don't run away. She's killed Tamers who ran away. I watched you . . . interact, with Stupid Fuzzbutt, and I thought you might rescue us." She stands up and steps away.
Narm is standing up, holding the bloody dildo aloft. "Who's next?" she warbles.
"Aren't we missing our nappy time, Narm?" the Xerablondi asks, with a vapid smile plastered on her face. Then she giggles and tugs her hair.
The twitching, bleeding Jokette hanging behind her, best ignored, he thinks.
"Oh!" Narm exclaims, "Good children should be abed!"
The Xerablondi is out of sight before the echo dies.
The Bunnygirl shakes the PsiDyke by the throat. "You said they lost him," she screams.
The Seraph and the Demon-Goddess separate them.
"Why didn't you tell me it was a prediction!" the Bunnygirl shouts as she struggles to get loose from Bugs's grip.
"I didn't say it! You did!" the PsiDyke shouts back, while rubbing her neck.
"Why did you mind control me to make your predictions, Flopsie?!" Stupid Fuzzbutt screams at the PsiDyke.
The PsiDyke glares back. "What makes - Flopsie?" she asks.
"Yeah!' Stupid Fuzzbutt says and points at the PsiDyke, then the two MaryAnn Drews, "Flopsie, Mopsie, and Cottontail."
The PsiDyke grimaces.
Thumper pats her shoulder. "She could call you 'Peter'."
"Oh, that's not funny."
"Considering she was shaking you like a rag doll, it fits," Thumper tells her, and ignores the PsiDyke's glare.
"You always found him before?" Cottontail asks and smiles happily, "Maybe you could find him again. After all, you must have some mystical bond, like a string of destiny binding your hearts together, bringing you always and forever to each other's side, no matter the distance, no matter the travails that would separate you." She sighs in romantic rapture at the vision of a perfect love.
"That sounds neat!' the Bunnygirl exclaims, "What kind of store sells that? We got stuck together with bubblegum, but Master didn't like it at all."
"Beating your head against the wall helps," Flopsie tells the stunned MaryAnn Drews.
"Look," Mopsie says, "There's lots of Tamers in town. Can't we get their help? A mage, a psychic girl, something?"
"Bugs, take Mopsie and Cottontail to the cops, get them registered," Thumper tells them, "Flopsie, Fuzzbutt and I will - "
"I'm - the Alpha! I give the orders!" Stupid Fuzzbutt says.
"Okay, what are your orders?" Thumper asks.
"You tell me and I tell them," the Bunnygirl explains.
"Wouldn't it be easier for me to tell them myself?" the Demon-Goddess asks.
"In the morning," the Bunnygirl says firmly, "The other Tamers won't awake or helpful this late."
"I'm shocked," Flopsie says, "That actually makes sense."
"I'm not completely stupid!" the Bunnygirl tells her.
"Just mostly?" Flopsie asks.
"Mostly what?" Stupid Fuzzbutt asks. The PsiDyke just shakes her head.
The ring of the knife hitting the ground wakes him. That either dropped out, or she pulled it out, he thinks as he opens his eyes. The Jokette, tears streaming down her face, bloody wounds visibly closing up, crawls into the bed. A short lightning bolt touches the cuff, one, then the other, releasing his arms. The smell of blood and less pleasant things tells him how badly she was hurt.
"I don't have Smilex. I won't hurt you," she says, "I promise for today."
Hell, considering all the shit I've been through . . . Yeah, it fits.
"Okay, but I thought your breed was fearless," he says as she snuggles next to him and lets him put his arms around her.
"There's fearless, and there's knowing things you should avoid." Author's Note: Spock - the 'Live Long and Prosper' sign, Lizard - a sock puppet-like shape, Frelmeck - make a fist and punch another person as hard as you can in the face, that's person not player. Lizard beats Spock, and Frelmeck beats everything, unless you can't actually hit someone, then it loses to everything. It's a Jokette game, what do you expect? How does Spock win? The real Spock would know enough to keep everyone out of reach.