01

        "Yes, ma'am."

        "And stand up straight," the Megami, Amanda Von Rothchild dela Samantha, told her Master, me, "Can't you stand up for yourself?"

        "Yes, ma'am." Not with you around.

        "What did you say!?" the Megami thundered.

        "I said 'Yes, ma'am.'"

        "Not you," she said haughtily, "Him."

        "Ah, I never saw a flat-chested Hyperdoll before."

        "HYPERDOLL!" she shrieked.

        And mayhem ensues, I thought as I ran, I got to the Pokècenter and downloaded the file, my manifesto and warning to the world.

        Forget Gendo Giovapeboy, SEELE, Limbec Pirates, the Psidyke nation, Happosai-reborn, 'the Goths that need not be nailed'. I'm going to tell you all about a real, dark conspiracy, but before I do, go get your 'dex. Trust me, go take a look, I'll still be here. Notice all the entries about this or that cup size? Even if they're bitty-titties, they're noted, at least in my 'dex. I don't know, maybe I've got the last `unnice` one.

        Notice the Megami and Megami-sama entries? Notice something? That's right, NOTHING! Not that they're big, not that they're small, nothing. You know why? Because those two are the chairwomen of the board, chairwomen of the flat as a board.

        Don't yell, I've heard it all before. 'But that dark-skinned one - ' Half-demon, remember. That other one who - ! Read the end of episode notes, she's an Angel, and the other one with the axe was a Seraph, that why she was so nervous about `relationships`. The two shrimps are the only Megami we ever see.

        What about the swimsuit episodes? Two words: TV show! Ever hear of CGI? I've seen movies with spaceships zooming through space, when was the last time you saw a spaceship? How about a real airplane? CGI.

        Sorry, I get emotional about this. Everybody keeps telling me 'they're all so nice!' Yeah, well I'm not. I don't hurt people or Pokègirls, I try to be useful and helpful. But hey, I'll admit it, I'm a pig. If she's not in the 'oh-my-god-how-can-you-stand-up, doesn't-your-back-hurt?' category, I ain't interested. Got nothing against them, wouldn't throw them out into the cold for eating cookies in bed. Even snuggled with a few on really cold nights, always was 'a perfect gentleman'. Hey, if what's on the shelf's of no interest, why rummage through the cupboards? I just ain't that interested. Oh, I keep my girls happy, a note to all Tamers, you want your Pokègirls to really make you happy, make them happy first. First, it makes them loyal, second, it makes'em really frisky. Frisky Pokègirls are always a good thing for you, if you want to be happy. Of course if you don't want to be happy . . .

        "Master! You left me out all alone," the Megami said, "Don't you worry about someone stealing me? Megami are valuable."

        I could only be so lucky, I thought, If you don't want to be happy . . . get yourself a Megami.

        My first Pokègirl, as if you couldn't guess, was a Milk-Tit. I bought her, yeah bought, saved up the money and went to a ranch with my new Tamers license. Plunked down the money and walked off with Flower, yeah that's something else, let them pick their own names. Make a big deal out of it, they like being treated as people, not property.

        I didn't want a Milktit for just the two obvious reasons, but I also wanted to get as far away from the town I grew up in as possible. A Milktit turns leafy green stuff that makes you sick, into food. Plus, the way you feed is my kind of buffet. Why leave home? Some grand adventure? Whatever you're on, share some with the rest of us. Let me explain something. For every long, tall, muscled jackass who goes out to save the world and get his brains fucked out along the way, and usually comes home in pieces if he comes home at all. There's ten at home like me: short, fat, glasses. As for my complexion? Two months after we moved here, I won my school's Halloween costume contest as a vampire, I wasn't wearing a costume. The only reason I didn't get acne was if I got a pimple, I'd spend two hours outside and spend the rest of the day peeling that layer of skin off. You think any of the girls would be interested in me? Hell, even the Pokègirls called me names. So yeah, I wanted to go somewhere, anywhere else, and yeah, I know I'll have to buy my companionship for the rest of my life. So if I'm paying for it, I'll pick and choose. Sue me, or go fuck a Widow, I don't care.

        We had a lot of fun, she liked that I didn't intend to go marching off into danger, and I didn't make all the `cow` jokes she'd been teased with since she pissed off an Ivywhore. Hey, I liked it. She was happy, and made me happy. She found other ways to use those funbags to please her Master. Which made her happy . . . lets just say we had a lot of good times.

        Getting the Alaka-Wham was a dirty trick, I'll admit. They often use their teke to keep their huge tits up, so guess what. Take a feral Alaka-Wham add a bowl of Milktit milk, and what do you get? A 500 IQ, powerful psychic who's sure she's gonna pop. Yes pop, don't make me explain it.

        Flower went in first, all she wanted was to ease the poor girl's pain and fear, the Alaka-Wham picked that up loud and clear and let her get close. Flower also knew that when she was hurting that way, I was good at easing the pain and fear. The Alaka-Wham picked that up and teke dragged me to her other teat. We teased and excited her until she started Taming both of us.

        Skullcap, I put my foot down on not using the Latin name, always was a little embarrassed by that little episode. Not cause of what we did, but because she fell for such an obvious trick. Although it never stopped her from sampling Flower's milk, so we'd have to milk her. Besides, Flower made sure we all, me especially, knew how to massage swollen tits and stiff backs, and how to make it exciting. Don't make me draw you a picture, you're supposed to be a Tamer.

        The Seraph was another accident. Her Tamer got eaten by Mantis, not that I knew that. I ran into the eating Mantis, scattered Flower and Skullcap, and ran for a cliff, hoping the Mantis would chase me, and Skullcap could catch me when I went off. I thought she'd read my mind, didn't happen. I jumped off the cliff, and landed on the Seraph flying by, still mourning her Master. The Mantis figured no human would be stupid enough to jump off a cliff, or she was so intent on eating another guy, I don't know. She chased after me. There was no Alaka-Wham teke, or soft bouncy Seraph to cushion her landing. Mantises splash, you know that? Wish I'd had a 'corder, could have sold that footage for plenty of green. Anybody know why it's called `footage`? Bet you don't.

        The Seraph, Downy, was really happy that her Master's killer was dead. Flower gave her some milk to soothe her, it was at that point, I realized Flower was as big a tithound (no pun intended) as I was. The three of us got through Downy's reticence, and we all had a good time that night.

        Downy of course, had a desire to root out evil. We were able to convince her that this Harem wasn't good at direct assault. A sneaky, underhanded S.O.B. like me, and Flower (scary what went on behind that cute face), and our two powerhouses, Downy and Skullcap, would get the enemy on the run and smash them. Seraph's don't like innocents getting hurt, I don't like me getting hurt, so I would help get them to safety. Yeah, it was fun being called a hero for saving my own skin. It sort of dislocated my plan to just get to a big city and live a life, but after a victory over evil, Downy got so frisky. You try to tell a Pokègirl 'no' when she's got you in her mouth giving you a B.J.. She won't bite you, but it is kinda hard to think of good reasons. Besides, she really does want you safe and intact.

        I got a couple of other girls, traded them or gave them to guys (and a couple girls) who I thought would treat them good. The Titapod I gave to a kid who looked like he'd fit. Guess. A couple others, I never kept them long enough to bond with the girls, and the recipients were always so grateful.

        The Sadie Pokens Day festival was fun, lots of girls to look at, the girls (not my girls, on that day) could go where they wanted. Flower stayed practically glued to my hip, doing a pretty interesting Vixxen impression, Downy and Skullcap went out to the challenge booths. All of us were safely indoors when the sun set and the catch festival started. I didn't see any girls as good as mine, and they liked the arrangement.

        So I wasn't hurting anybody except badguys, my girls wanted to stay with me of their own free will. Didn't the universe have somebody better to pick on?

        Guess not. Three weeks later, I got Amanda. Still haven't figured out how. They say you never know when you got one, that 'they've always been there', that's bullshit. I can tell you within the hour when I got stuck with her. The real truth is, that if you don't go along with it, they brow-beat you until you won't talk. I should have Pokèballed her and given her to the first scientist I came across. 'You want to do research? Here!' That they are vulnerable to sad faces is also crap, they're only vulnerable when somebody other than them made the face sad. If they make somebody sad, that's their tough toenails.

        The first one she started working on was Downy. The Seraph went back to being almost too shy to let any of us touch her, me or Flower, especially Flower. That was the last straw, Amanda went in her Pokèball and stayed there, the next Pokècenter got a donation.

        That bought me two months. We got back in our groove, sucker-punching bad guys and having a good time. Then Amanda showed up. She wasn't happy, she made it clear she wasn't happy. She went straight back into her Pokèball, one of the escaping bad guys got a present. But the damage was done. Downy kept looking over her shoulder literally and figuratively, she only accepted Taming when she really needed it and her response was mechanical.

        There was a `Hero` Tamer who had a reputation as a cold fish, I made a trade for a Boobcat, Kittypussy, who was 'embarrassing'. Not to me. Heaven lasted three whole days. Then Hell descended.

        Skullcap asked to leave next, she couldn't handle the Megami's disapproval anymore. I made a deal with Darin, an old buddy from our badguy bashing days. He'd keep Skullcap, Kittypussy and Flower until I could deal with Amanda.

        The next day, the lectures began. In one ear and out the other. I don't care about being a `nice` person. I help when I can, I don't cause as much pain as Amanda did. Just because I don't want to be a shining beacon of morality doesn't make me evil. Taming? No thanks, the idea of taking a girl who refuses to even take off her clothes for a Taming session, revolting. So, she went without. Too fucking bad. Megami don't go feral, but it seems they do have needs. Congrats bitch, I was a pig, now I'm up to torturing a Pokègirl. Cry, whimper, beg, get Pokèballed. Too bad.

        Ran into a bunch of Tamers with Megamis, surprise! Surprise! All of them wanting to talk. Of course I'd heard all the things Amanda said to Skullcap, Kittypussy, Flower and Downy, and things Skullcap knew were `thought` at her. It was hilarious watching the Megami have their words thrown right back in their faces, of course Amanda kept sputtering that I wasn't telling them the story correctly. Of course they all knew that, but they expected the 'I'm a Megami therefore I'm right' to overwhelm my opposition. Again, bullshit.

        Their Tamers were all the same, same vacant, vapid expressions, same lack of spine. People say Megami owners are calm and at peace. Yeah, so are rocks, and have just about the same level of brain activity and sex drive. I also noticed all the bows and ribbons and the rest on their fancy costumes, all to disguise that none of them had a figure better than a twelve-year-old's. Amanda still didn't get Tamed. Also, I had a plan.

        "Do you intend to stay in this Pokècenter?" Amanda demanded, "What? Are you going to do something perverted."

        "To your pristine-ship?" I asked as I raised her Pokèball.

        "You put me in that, they'll know what you've done," she said, "Or what you've failed to do". Her arms crossing under where her tits would be.

        "Not if I do something to help you." The red light enveloped her and she vanished. "Congratulations, you made a pervert into a monster." I set the Taming Machine on level 5, loaded the ball and hit the start. It would be done in a few minutes, and I'd start it again. "Wonder how many Level 5's a Megami can take. Ten should do."

        I walked to the phone. "Can I speak to the Professor?" I asked of the Dark Lady on the other end, a moment later the professor appeared, "Darin said you do experiments." Darin actually said he did experiments that made the prof's Dark Lady's skin crawl.

        "Most people don't approve, but yes I do." The professor glanced around.

        "I have a Megami, do you have anything to trade?" I asked as I smiled.