As Bad As It Gets

“You already know it. Come on, Cari, it’s embarrassing!”

 

“Yes, but I am doing my job now! You need to give me the information for the forms yourself—they actually check that, you know.”

 

“Alright, alright, it’s Gavin Tilton,” he sighed, shaking his head, “although you already knew that, Cari.”

 

The Espea across from him snorted. “Yes, just like I know the names of very nearly everyone else in town, but it would be an exercise in futility to explain that to my boss.”  The pale Pokegirl gave him an exasperated glare. “Which means I will need your entire name.”

 

Gavin started to object, but the look on her face told him that it would be a bad idea. He looked down and ran his hand through his hair. “Gavin Lysander Tilton.” If he was a Pokegirl, he was certain his glare would have burnt holes in the floor. He was glad he was looking down and she couldn’t see his blush—but considering that she was a Psychic, he didn’t doubt that she knew about it anyways.

 

Thankfully, he’d known Cari for a long time, and she didn’t comment on his embarrassment. Cari instead focused her attention on screen of the computer at her desk, poking her way through the files needed for him to complete his application to become a Tamer. Well, this was a legal process, so it would be more accurate to say it was his application to become a Medium.

 

Cari rolled her eyes, his thoughts pulling her from the screen. “Of course it is Medium! Honestly, people these days. It would be understandable if it were a matter of subculture, like those hippies downtown, but everybody is referring to them as ‘Tamers’ nowadays.” Cari sniffed disdainfully, proper to the core. “You have been—well, you will have been, as soon as we finish here—referred to as Mediums for almost three hundred years. By the Emperor’s Name, there is no use for ridiculous foreign appellations for such an ancient and honorable profession.”

 

‘If you’ve been reading my mind, why do I need to tell you this stuff?’ Gavin wondered, fully aware that she would pick up on it. However, it was polite to continue a verbal conversation audibly when speaking with Psychics, so he continued speaking aloud. “It isn’t all that bad, Cari. Most people still call them Mediums—but it sounds more important like that, doesn’t it? ‘Tamer’ seems to have more of an everyday feel about it.”

 

:As I have said before, Gavin, this is important. You are required by law to fill out this form yourself, or verbally answer the questions. Do not ask me why—I know so much more about you from looking into your mind,: Cari replied in rebuke, avoiding contractions even in her thoughts, as she typed into the computer one letter at a time. Gavin shook his head—how she had managed to keep up this job when she was so horrible with computers was beyond him. The thought earned him an offended glance from the Espea, but fortunately she left the matter be in favor of attempting to fill out the form.

 

Gavin knew it would be a moment, and took the opportunity to look at her office. It was, truth be told, disappointing. Here was where his life was going to change—where he would finally be authorized to be a Medium—but Gavin didn’t think the Imperial Medium Applications Office could look more like an ordinary, everyday workplace if Cari had set out to do so.

 

“Birthday or graduation?”

 

“Graduation,” Gavin replied. To become a Medium, one had to have either graduated from high school, or reached their nineteenth birthday. Well, he wasn’t actually graduating until the end of the month—but that was why he was signing up now, so he wouldn’t have to deal with all the paperwork after school ended.

 

Cari nodded and looked back down at her desk. The form Gavin had filled out earlier (which, in fact, already had most of the information Cari was asking for) lay before her, although he would be surprised if she could read it. His handwriting gave the teachers fits.

 

“Province of birth and province of current residence?”

 

Gavin hadn’t realized that when Mom had told him they would want the application in triplicate, they had meant it literally. He already given Cari two separately filled out forms, and had been sitting with her for half an hour for the final version, which had to be completed by a government agent. It wasn’t difficult to fill out, but it was a colossal waste of time, in Gavin’s mind. 

 

“I was born and raised here in Tourmaline Province.”

 

Cari looked back him at that. “Really?” she asked, surprised. “But your mother had said that you were born in Ruby.”

 

Gavin again looked towards the ground. “No, that would be my sister. Mommy retired and moved here after giving birth to her.” His tongue felt thick as he spoke, and his throat dry. He felt a burst of irrational anger towards the woman across from him, that she had brought up that memory.  Gavin felt a faint pressure in his head, an almost gentle touch, as Cari looked to see what had brought his anger.

 

Movement drew Mommy’s attention, and Gavin could see a lot of Pokegirls come through the trees, with buzzing wings that made the horrible noise. Mommy snarled, and turned away from Gavin and his sister. “Don’t move, either of you!” she said, pointing an arm at them. It bubbled and blacked and cracked, and things oozed from the arm, dark and bloody and full of eyes and teeth were Gavin knew there shouldn’t be eyes and teeth. “Whatever you do, don’t move!”

 Lily cried and cried and pressed her face against his chest so hard it hurt, and Gavin wrapped his arms around her. He buried his face in his sister’s red hair so he wouldn’t have to look outside anymore. The buzzing wasn’t getting quieter at all; it was getting louder and louder and Gavin’s ears hurt, but he put his hands over his sister’s so she didn’t have to hear because he was her brother and that was what brothers did.

One of the black things burst apart into blood and shadows, leaving Gavin to stare up at one of the bees. She was naked, and covered in black and yellow stripes. A thick tail curled behind her, and she had flimsy bug wings. She reached towards him, but another thing grew teeth and tore at her, forcing her back into more of the bee Pokegirls. Gavin cowered behind the circle of black and blood, trying not to think about how they were bees and had poison and how Mommy said bugs would hurt him and how red was trickling down his Lily’s ears.

Gavin stumbled out of his chair, clutching his head in his hands. “What the hell was that?” he asked, his voice harsh from anger and hoarse from remembered pain.

 

Cari stared at him with wide eyes, moisture pooling in the corners. “I-I am so sorry, I had no idea—I did not mean to—”

 

Gavin angrily started to retort, but no words could force their way past his throat. He spun away from her and stalked out the door. He could finish the form later—but he couldn’t be around her, not right now. She could have pulled away, could have dropped the memory, could have pushed him out of the memory, but she had stayed and watched, and that meant he had too. Damn her.

 

And damn him, for the tears that once more threatened to fall.

 

*()*()*()*

 

“Ah! Tamer-to-be come back home already? I was sure you’d stay out later tonight, of all days!”

 

Gavin gave his Mama a wan smile. “I’ve been out a fair deal already. No need to push my luck, right?”

 

After leaving the Imperial Medium Applications Office, Gavin had tried to clear his head by taking a walk in the crisp air. It was late in spring—so close to the end of May, it was practically summer—but the evening had been chill and windy. This had suited Gavin perfectly, had given him a chance to calm down.

 

He had been stupid, Gavin supposed. Even considering the breach of privacy, as part of the I.M.A.O. Cari had a great deal of leniency when it came to that.  Not everyone would willingly let themselves be scanned by a Psychic, after all, even if it was only to assure that no wannabe-Medium was a psychopath who’d start trying to kill people. She hadn’t done anything illegal, and he had never tried to hide what had happened. It was in the past, and it didn’t matter.

 

But… when she had looked, it had felt like it happened again. And that did matter, and it hurt. Even so, he shouldn’t have reacted like that. It wasn’t a good idea for a human to get upset at a Pokegirl like that. Tourmaline didn’t share the same anti-human sentiments the Jade Islands province did, certainly, but that didn’t make it a good idea to get angry at one!

 

There were negative aspects of having a Psychic Pokemon in the family, even one as relatively weak as a Sidekick. Mama frowned. “Sweetie, what’s wrong? You don’t feel so good.” :Did the meeting with Cari not go well?”:

 

‘You could say that,’ Gavin thought-mumbled, bringing up his memory of the interview. Mama, Gavin was glad to see, backed out of his mind as soon as she realized what had happened.

 

Gavin found himself wrapped up in a tight hug, Mama holding him just short of the point it would be hard to breathe. “Oh, Gavin,” she said into his shoulder, her voice so full of emotion it was painful to listen to. He awkwardly patted her on the shoulder, wondering why his Mama seemed more upset about it than he was (and conveniently forgetting that he himself had nearly been crying after he left the office).

 

The clack of shoes upon the stairway alerted Gavin to the presence of Mom. “Evening, love! I’ll be going out tonight to—Nix, Gavin, what’s wrong?” Mom approached them, gently grasping Gavin’s chin to look into his eyes, as deep a blue as hers. “What happened?”

 

Mama let go of Gavin to wipe her eyes. “Cari was being a bitch. She made him remember what happened to Natasha and Lily.”

 

Mom released Gavin to shake her head. “Cari shouldn’t have done that. She should have known better.” She turned to Nixie and held out her hand. “Could you show me?”

 

Mama nodded and took the hand of the woman who had once been her Medium. “Of course.”

 

Mom was still for a moment before her eyes flashed open. She shook her head again, blond hair falling over her face. “She shouldn’t have done that. Not to you, Gavin.” Mom, still taller than he was despite his age, leaned over to kiss his forehead.

 

“Don’t worry about becoming a Tamer—I’ll ask Lilabeth make sure that she fills out the rest of the form for you without mentioning what happened.” 

 

“You don’t need to do that, Mom,” Gavin said, any hope he might have had of this not turning into a Big Deal disappearing fast. “You saw the memory—she was horrified at what she did!”

 

Surprisingly, it was gentle Mama who answered him. “We know, Gaby,” she said, her voice tight, “and that is the only reason we aren’t going to tell your sister about it.”

 

Gavin shuddered as he was hugged again. He didn’t want to think about what Morgana would do to Cari if she got angry. Angry Lucarda were not known for their mercy, and tended to be messy eaters.

 

It was Mom that pulled away, sweeping errant strands of hair back into place. “I’m going to go to the club to pick up Lilabeth and Morgana. Do you need more medicines, sweetheart?”

 

Gavin nodded. “Yeah—Mama ordered in a larger supply than normal for when I leave, and it should be arriving any day. Could you check for me?”

 

“Of course I can. I needed to pick up my own, so I was going to the drugstore anyways.” Mom grimaced as she pulled her purse off of a hook in the hall. “Thank god for all those All-Calls we attended back in our adventuring days. If it weren’t for those, I don’t think we’d have the money to keep paying for everything.”

 

Gavin looked down in embarrassment. Mom’s pills didn’t cost much—she had the Self-Allergic bloodcurse, but it wasn’t as severe a problem as his. The poison his own body created was much more brutal, and if it hadn’t been for his other blood traits he would have died.

 

Poison Resistance, Self-Allergic, Anaphylaxia, and Quick-Clotting. Honestly, with so many blood traits Gavin was surprised he didn’t have the PokeGene bloodcurse on top of everything else. Unfortunately, both Self-Allergic and Quick-Clotting required medicine (to stop him from poisoning himself and to prevent clots in his arteries). However, it had to be specially made, because his less-potent-than-normal Poison Resistance had the happy side effect of resisting normal medication, while only stopping his self-created poisons from being severe enough to kill him.

 

Gavin would be happy to get out of the house—his parents wouldn’t have to pay for him anymore, and active Tamers got a large discount from pharmacies. It was one of easily a dozen reasons he wanted to be a Medium.

 

His Mom tsked at him. “Nix, make sure he’s cheered up before I get back, alright? We don’t want Morgana getting worried about him.”

 

With that, she left, pulling her long white coat off of a chair before stepping outside. The wind caught the door as she closed it, making it slam shut with her exit.

 

Mama led him over to the couch and sat him down, and Gavin couldn’t help but be happy. Although having his parents pay attention to him was always nice, Gavin was fairly certain she was using her psychic abilities to help him along. He found he didn’t really care about that, especially considering that she was making a large cup of hot chocolate. 

 

Rubbing his fingers against his palms, Gavin was surprised to find that he was cold. He must have been outside longer than he thought.

 

As she boiled water and bustled around the kitchen (being the only person in the household with an inkling of how to cook, she was responsible for almost everything anyone in the house at), Mama tossed questions at him, as she was wont to do as she worked.

 

“So, how was school today?”

 

“Like every Wednesday. The Pokegirl’s school and human school mixed, again. The teachers were all nervous, trying to make sure nothing went wrong and that none of the students skipped class to head to an empty classroom, again. The Leslie sisters tried to whore around with absolutely everyone, again, and what’s-his-name with the muscles tried to get into a fight with a Pokegirl and got beaten in the face, again.” Gavin gratefully accepted the hot chocolate from Mama, holding it close despite the almost painful heat against too-cold fingers. “Not much is changing, this close to the end of school.”

 

She turned back to the kitchen, putting the rhubarb and sediment from Mom’s latest attempt at cooking back in the cabinet. “What about Alianna?”

 

Gavin sighed as he thought about her. “I enjoyed being with her, but…”

 

“But?”

 

“I’m going to become a Tamer soon, and Alianna still thinks she can come with me. I know that some groups use a Damsel to capture Ferals, but… you know how they do that, throwing her out to be beat around by the Ferals. No one respects Damsels, and I don’t want to use Alianna like that.” 

 

Gavin looked into the cup in his hands, now cool enough to drink, and watched the patterns in the foam. “I’ve known her since I was ten. I can’t… how could I bring her? She’d only be in danger, and Damsels can’t defend themselves.” He took a long drink of the hot chocolate, enjoying the heat, although the topic of conversation prevented him from savoring it. “She’s too important to me for me to bring her where she’d only be hurt. Alianna isn’t a fighter.”

 

Mama set a pan on the stove, lighting the heat under it before turning back to Gavin. “I’d tell you that you shouldn’t try to control a Pokegirl’s life like that, but… you’re right.” She sighed, and mussed his hair with her fingers. “Do you know what you’re going to tell her?”

 

Gavin nodded, his throat tight. “I do. I’m going to tell her tomorrow—try to give her time to get used to the idea, even if it is only a week.” He would have told her earlier… but he was embarrassed to say that he had spent a lot of time trying to find a way to bring her with, without results. And he had delayed even longer, always finding another time. But… he had to do it. Alianna couldn’t come with him.

 

“You can’t do that. Have you forgotten what tomorrow is?”

 

“Tomorrow? Thursday, but that’s—oh. Right. I’ll tell her Friday, then.”

 

The third Thursday of May had no school, across the entirety of the Empire. That was the day that the Usurper Regent, Athena the Mad, had finally been killed for her crimes. For poisoning the Emperor, and forcing him to sleep forever, his mind locked away from all contact.

 

Gavin shook his head in anger at the thought of such treason. For a Pokegirl try to kill the Emperor… the idea was so alien as to be unthinkable.

 

How could she have dreamed of trying to kill her creator?

 

*()*()*()*

 

Gavin was glad his parents had decided to move to someplace as out-of-the way as Ravensborough. He had seen how full and bustling holidays got on the larger holidays, and Athena’s death was celebrated almost as much the day of Sukebe’s birth or the beginning of his Empire. The streets would have been packed full of people.

 

Smaller cities like Ravensborough didn’t have quite that big of a problem, but there were certainly enough people to make Gavin feel on-edge. He had never been a big fan of crowds—too many people in too small an area, all talking at once, always felt like they were overwhelming him.

 

A Pokegirl—human in appearance, but with clothing and heraldry revealing her to be of noble birth—strode down the street. Gavin fell back to make room for her to pass, giving her a bow befitting her station. His shoulders bumped against those of another human, although he did not turn to look. The Pokegirls of less noble station also bowed, though less deeply—after all, Gavin was only a human.

 

“Hmph. The arrogance of the nobility is as disgusting as ever. Do stand up, Gavin—you’re embarrassing yourself,” a voice, sharp and quiet, said from behind him. She spoke hardly louder than a whisper, but Gavin had always been able to hear his older sister’s voice perfectly.

 

“M-Morgana?” Gavin stammered, turning to face his sister, “I thought you were going to stay inside today!” 

 

Lucarda shared a fair deal in common with the Vampire upon which they were based. More than their feeding habits, Lucarda found the sun uncomfortable at best—although that was certainly better than the debilitating effect the sun had on Vampires. It was rare for his sister to leave the house until evening.

 

Morgana smirked at him—although she smirked at everyone, she smirked differently at him. “Hardly—I didn’t even get to spend time with you, yesterday, Mr. Tamer. What was up with the early bedtime?” Dark hair fell past her shoulder, offsetting her pale and delicate features. Her face looked harsh, like she was ready to erupt into violence at any time—but she always looked like that, so Gavin wasn’t concerned.

 

“I was just tired, that’s all. I didn’t expect the exam to be as in-depth as it was.”

 

It felt uncomfortable, to lie to his sister, but Gavin thought it would have been much worse to actually tell her what happened. Fortunately, he almost never kept secrets from her, so Morgana didn’t notice the deception.

 

She shook her head, blue-black hair waving behind her. “I told you that you shouldn’t have gotten so worked up over it. You worry too much Gavin—after all, you are my brother. Of course you’d pass.”

 

Gavin hid his grin at his sister’s casual arrogance. “You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

 

The tips of Morgana’s lips curled into a half-smile before she turned away, heading towards the center of Ravensborough. “Come along. It would be a shame for the party to start without us, would it not?”

 

“What party?” Gavin asked as he stumbled after his sister. He felt relief as the crowd parted in front of his sister—the Lucarda’s reputation was such that few were willing to be too close to them, and Gavin had grown used to the space afforded him when he stuck close to his sister or Mommy.

 

“You haven’t heard?” Amusement flavored Morgana’s voice, and Gavin could feel the faint touch of laughter in her words. “Hm… perhaps that is for the best, yes? After all, you do so love surprises.”

 

Gavin glared at his sister. “Since when do I like surprises?”

 

“Since I said that you did, obviously.”

 

Gavin had known his sister long enough to know that there wasn’t any point in arguing—she always won arguments. It was, his parents had told him, something she inherited from Mommy. Being one of the most powerful Pokegirls around had definite privileges.

 

They walked down the street without the bustle of the crowds surrounding them. A bubble formed around them (well, around his sister) that others didn’t enter, for fear of upsetting the ever-volatile Lucarda. Morgana hadn’t killed anyone yet (not that Gavin knew of, at least), but she still smelled of blood and death—or so Gavin had heard. He had only the one bloodgift, and it wasn’t sensory at all.

 

They passed the Pokecenter as they walked. Gavin moaned under his breath—so close! But he wasn’t going to find out what Pokegirl he would partner with until next week. He couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t at least give him the number of his starter, or tell him what breed she was. Would it hurt that much to let him know a little bit about what was coming?

 

Morgana, perceptive as ever, caught his longing glance towards the Center. “Can’t wait to meet your new partner, hm?” She chuckled before giving him a hard look. “You could have just skipped this if you had accepted my offer, Gavin. I have friends that are far beyond any ‘girl you’d find as a starter.”

 

Gavin pulled his eyes away from his sister’s, not able to look her in the eye. “I know that,” he said, “but I’m not doing this just to look cool. Being a Medium is important.”

 

“If it’s important then that’s all the more reason to be with a strong Pokegirl!” Morgana growled, her voice taking on a deeper tone with her frustration.

 

“I can’t! You know that, Morgana, that’s why you didn’t force me to become a Tamer your way. How can I be the best Medium I can be if I have such a powerful or experienced starter? How do I learn to help strategize if I start off with a Pokegirl who can already do that on the spot? How do I learn to make the most of my harem’s talents if my partner doesn’t need help training?”

 

Gavin shook his head hard enough that that his blond hair stung at his cheeks. “I’m not going to be the Medium who sits around and lets his harem do all the work. I’m not a Pokegirl, but I can do something to help, damn it!”

 

A hand ruffled his hair. Gavin looked up at his sister, surprised by the soft expression in her eyes. “Growing up already… heh,” she laughed wistfully, “It’s hard to believe that only a few years ago you were just a kid.” 

 

Morgana heaved a deep sigh, the gentle expression alien on her face. “I didn’t think you were taking this so seriously, and I should have—you are my brother, after all.”

 

Gavin gave her one of her own smirks. “How could I possibly do anything without the intent to excel? After all, I’m a Lucarda’s brother. It’s only natural.”

 

“Damn straight it is,” his sister said, once more pulling him forwards down the street. “Come one, we’ve got a party to get to. I need a beer.”

 

Gavin followed Morgana deeper into the city, until they reached a building that was, unfortunately, very familiar to Gavin. Colored lights flashed out of the windows in one of the larger buildings, and he could hear the music clearly even without entering.

 

“School? The party’s at school?” Gavin asked dubiously.

 

Morgana pulled open the gate in the fence surrounding the building. “Sure is, Mr. Tamer. You didn’t think getting a job like that wouldn’t get noticed, did you?” 

 

She grabbed him by the shoulders and gave him a light shove, forcing Gavin to go in front of her. “Go on, in! It’s your party, after all!”

 

A grin sneaked its way across his face as he pushed open the door.

 

Lights, shining half a dozen different colors, flashed across the room, highlighting the dozens of people dancing in the gymnasium. The bass thudded like the heartbeats of everyone in the room, and the music rushing into his ears was lifeblood entering his body.

 

Gavin swayed from the sensory rush, not noticing his sister walk up next to him. “Is this great or what?” Morgana said—again, he could hear her clearly even through the sounds of the party. “Mother spent a week working on setting this up, getting all the right music. Thank Sukebe she was the one to help set up the party!”

 

The pulsing rhythm spoke to him. ‘Dance! Dance! Dance with me!’ it sung into his ears, and Gavin realized how badly he wanted to move—but even as he thought of it, he found his body already in motion, pulled along by the incessant call of the dance.

 

The beat of the bass was his beat—his heartbeat—and it was to that steady rhythm that he lived. Future and past disappeared, and Gavin existed only from beat to beat. Faces whirled by—human girls, girls with wings, girls with tails, girls taller than he, shorter than he—every face existed in but a beat of the music before disappearing in the flurry of the dance.

 

Her face. His sister—he danced with her, her face harsh even as she was lost to the music. He shook and she spun and they danced together to show everyone that she was Lucarda, that he was her brother, and there were worlds of meaning in that idea that no one else could grasp but they.

 

Her face. His Mother—she was the DJ, and every step he took, every movement he made to the relentless pulse of the music was his dance with her. Her hands danced across the board, and the music that connected everyone in the room shuddered and shivered and altered, and the dance changed. A Bardess’s music was the music of everyone that heard it, and Gavin reveled in the melodies that she set flowing through his veins.

 

Her face. A girl—he didn’t know her. But she knew the music, and he knew the music, and they danced together until their faces were red and their legs were sore. She smiled, and turned to the side to reveal her figure, to look at him, her body language screaming at him to take her—but no, he was bound to another already, and how could he be with her when he was soon to leave? They spun together and spun apart, and sought new partners in the dance.

 

Her face. A girl—his girl, his lover, Alianna, and he felt warm and cold as they swayed together. The music slowed, and the frantic dance become slow and she clung to him. Gavin held her close and breathed deeply of her scent, and the taste of her lips and the feel of her body and the music’s sound and the flashing lights that shone even through his eyelids melded together into a single glorious moment.

 

Gavin pulled her to the side, the music filling his head—but the throb of her heartbeat and the sound of quickened breathing gave the song another meaning and set a different rhythm, and Gavin and Alianna danced away from the others to the sound of a song shared only between them.

 

They ran through the halls of the school, and every step across the tiles in the darkened building was a part of the song. The DJ’s music fled until all they could hear was the rhythmic pulse of the bass—but they had their own music that didn’t fade, and it was to this that they danced.

 

Clothes fell away in the dance, pulled from one another in wild gyrations and frenzied movements. The steady beat of the bass set the stage for their lovemaking, their fucking, their sex—any name would work, and all of them. They had their own lyrics to the song, every motion emitting another stanza from their partner, the words lost in translation but understood by every tongue as each begged the other for more with their bodies, their lips, their voice.

 

The music changed again, the bass increasing in speed and power, and so too did they—they moaned and moved and held one another as they were swept up into the music. The double bass—each heartbeat, pulsing in a different time—rushed forwards, and Alianna let loose a low moan as her own song reached its climax. Gavin followed, Alianna’s contractions pushing him over the edge.

 

But not all songs end in a grand finale, a flourish, and their song was such—the touching, the moving, tender and gentle gyrations that continued the pleasure in another sense even after the next orgasm was out of reach. Their music grew silent slowly, each moment another piece of the song to savor, and when the music finally came to an end they lay exhausted and exhilarated, all energy having fled with the song.

 

Gavin lay back on the couch with Alianna’s brown hair splayed across his chest. He wasn’t entirely certain when they had ended up in the staff room, but at some point tonight (it was night now? When did it get dark) they had.

 

He lifted his head to look at the brunette laying on him. Alianna didn’t weigh much—Damsels usually didn’t, despite being one of the most human-looking Pokegirls. He had to tell her—Gavin had been putting it off telling her about his decision for far too long. 

 

But how? He couldn’t just start the conversation with that. “Well… hi. How was your day?”

 

Gods above, he was stupid. Why did he say that? Could he have said anything more inane?

 

Puffs of air blew across his chest as Alianna laughed. “Shouldn’t you have asked that before we started making out?” she said, adjusting herself so as to look up at him. Her breasts pressed against his chest and made it difficult to think clearly. 

 

Gavin forced his attention back to the matter at hand. “It didn’t feel appropriate.”

 

Alianna nodded at that. Neither of them had spoken much, to one another or to others, when the music had filled them. It would have been… inappropriate. Gavin had chosen the word well.

 

Reaching his arm out, Gavin managed to snag the edges of Alianna’s discarded dress with the tips of his fingers. He pulled it over, motioning to Alianna to put it on—he didn’t need to be distracted when he told her. It was difficult enough as is.

 

She pouted as she pulled the dress on, signifying her unhappiness that their touching ended. The dress was long, with yellow and white combining to make a warm appearance. He hadn’t noticed during the dance. Her hair had changed since earlier in the day—it now followed her jaw in a clean, shorter cut.

 

“Gavin? Is something wrong?” Alianna asked, setting her hand on his still-bare shoulder. Her fingers were warm and her touch gentle, but to Gavin it felt like an icy clutch—his mind playing cruel tricks on him, to make afraid of Alianna.

 

He gave a soft, regretful chuckle. “You always did notice that sort of thing, ever since middle school.” Gavin looked at her with a weak smile. “I’ve put in my Medium application.”

 

Alianna smiled and sat down next to him as he slid on his long-sleeved shirt. Her smile was warm, showing just a hint of the whiteness of her teeth. It was utterly non-threatening, like everything else about the Damsel. “That’s wonderful,” Alianna said, her words quiet and sincere. “I was certain you would make it, once you told me that you wanted to become a Medium. That’s what the party was for, you know—the graduates who were becoming Mediums.”

 

Gavin hadn’t known that—he should have known better than to think the party was all for him. Considering Morgana’s ego, she had probably thought he was the only one that mattered of the new Tamers. It wouldn’t be the first time something like that had happened.

 

He pulled his thoughts away from there—if he let the conversation head that direction, in any other direction, he would never finish this. Gavin’s tongue felt dry and stiff, his mouth full of cotton. He swallowed, trying to push the nervousness down before it led him away from what he meant to do.

 

“I’m not bringing you.”

 

Gavin set his eyes on Alianna’s face. She didn’t get it, at first—he could see the brightness, the warmth, remain on her face for a moment before it faded. A light that he had never noticed in her eyes died out—like a soft light no one misses until it is gone. 

 

Alianna spoke quietly, as though she couldn’t get the air to say anything louder. “Wh-what do you mean, not bringing me? I thought that you and I—that we—”

 

“You’re a Damsel,” Gavin forced himself to say. He couldn’t listen to her voice anymore. “If I took you as a Pokegirl, you wouldn’t be able to fight or capture a Feral. All you could do is stand there and get attacked.”

 

“I could evolve,” she whispered, her voice empty.

 

Alianna wasn’t putting up much of an argument against him—she couldn’t. She was a Damsel, after all, and it hurt how easy it was to make her agree.

 

“For what? So that you would be less tough, and actually be injured when someone attacks you? So that you could fight?” Gavin made himself laugh, trying to make himself sound scornful, to push her farther away. The sound felt to him like muffled sobs more than laughter. “You, fight? Even without considering that you have no idea how, I haven’t ever met anyone who would be a worse battler than you would be. You’re too nice to actually hurt someone.”

 

Gavin wasn’t nice. He was saying these things, watching tears streak down her face. He was the one laughing at her, telling her not to follow her heart. He was the one watching her tremble, seeing the barely-contained sobs shake her body, without letting his face show a hint of kindness.

 

No, Gavin thought as he watched her rise unsteadily to her feet, he wasn’t nice at all.

 

“Go home,” he said, forcing himself to sound authoritative. She was a Damsel—she’d do what he said. “Go ask your neighbor if she’d help keep you Entire until you… until you find someone more permanent.”

 

Alianna nodded at him, her eyes downcast and not looking up from the floor. She stepped out of the room. He felt her give him one last look—trying to find something to stay for, some hint that he still wanted her—but Gavin didn’t give her anything, no look of compassion or plea to stay. She slipped away, and Gavin heard her begin to cry in earnest as she left.

 

He staggered, dropping his arm to the couch to steady himself before deciding it didn’t matter, and letting himself fall onto it.

 

Gavin felt empty—dry and cold, like he had been drained of all blood and heat and was unable to feel anything else because of it. His face felt artificial, a mask placed over muscle and bone that wouldn’t let him change expression or feel.

 

He was vaguely aware that the music had stopped—no more quiet rumble of the bass, no more distant, half-heard partying. Gavin thought that he should probably get up, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. His limbs were thick and heavy, and he simply couldn’t muster the energy to make them move. It hardly mattered—someone would make him move in the morning, when school started.

 

Footsteps echoed through the halls, but a quick check out the windows showed him that it was still night. Not the school, then—a partygoer? In that case, he or she would need to find another room. Gavin wasn’t going to move.

 

A figure stood in the doorway, but said nothing. Gavin rolled his head to look at his visitor. He should have felt surprised to see Mother standing in the doorway, but he didn’t feel anything at the moment.

 

“Hello Mother,” he said. He wondered why her face looked so concerned.

 

Mother moved her hands, waving and cutting and moving her fingers together. Gavin understood—he had lived with her all his life, after all, and the language was easy enough to understand with time.

 

“No, I’m fine,” Gavin said. Should he have stood up to greet her? He didn’t think that he could.

 

Mother flicked her braided hair over her shoulder and walked over to him. She motioned again, more emphatically, brown eyes staring into his blue.

 

“I just had to tell Alianna she couldn’t come w-with me.” What was wrong with his voice? He wasn’t speaking properly, and he sounded so rough. “Sh-she’s a D-Damsel, you know? I can’t—I mean, she c-couldn’t—”

 

She sat on the couch, the furniture silent as Mother rested her weight on it, and wrapped her arms around him and lay her head on his shoulder. She was warm—too warm, and he felt like his skin would blister where she held him.

 

Gavin tried to say something—anything at all. He wanted to tell her that he didn’t mean it, that he wouldn’t do it again, that he hadn’t wanted to hurt her—but no words came forth. Something wet trailed down his face, falling into his lips, and then another, and another, and soon enough he felt his shoulders shake from something Gavin had no name for.

 

He tasted salt.